Saturday, February 28, 2015

Quote of the Day

The sermon was based on what he claimed was a well-known fact, that there were no Atheists in foxholes. I asked Jack what he thought of the sermon afterwards, and he said, "There's a Chaplain who never visited the front."
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Quote of the Day

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.
-- Julius Caesar

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Quote of the Day

I have to admit I have a monkey on my back. It represents my crippling addiction to monkeys.
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Quote of the Day

Linux supports the notion of a command line or a shell for the same reason that only children read books with only pictures in them. Language, be it English or something else, is the only tool flexible enough to accomplish a sufficiently broad range of tasks.
-- Bill Garrett

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Quote of the Day

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."
-- David Letterman

Monday, February 23, 2015

Quote of the Day

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Rich Kulawiec

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Quote of the Day

Send lawyers, guns, and money,
The shit has hit the fan.

-- Warren Zevon

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Quote of the Day

Anything that can be done chemically can be done by other means.
-- William S. Burroughs

Friday, February 20, 2015

Quote of the Day

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
-- Peter Ustinov

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Quote of the Day

I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Quote of the Day

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Quote of the Day

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
-- Laurie Anderson

Monday, February 16, 2015

Quote of the Day

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
-- Jack Handey

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Quote of the Day

No, I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Quote of the Day

He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain.
-- John Moore

Friday, February 13, 2015

Quote of the Day

In the stands here I see a young couple who must be in love -- they're kissing on every pitch. He's kissing her on the strikes, and she's kissing him on the balls.
-- Harry Caray

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Quote of the Day

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-- Mark Twain

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Quote of the Day

Only fools are positive.
-- Moe Howard

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Quote of the Day

Don't give me any of that Star Trek crap. It's too early in the morning.
-- Dave Lister

Monday, February 09, 2015

Quote of the Day

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
-- Jack Handey

Sunday, February 08, 2015

Quote of the Day

Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied, so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Saturday, February 07, 2015

Quote of the Day

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Friday, February 06, 2015

Quote of the Day

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
-- Stephen Wright

Thursday, February 05, 2015

Quote of the Day

The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive...but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetic in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. And every step in astronomy and geology ever taken has been opposed by bigotry and superstition. The Greeks surpassed us in artistic culture and in architecture five hundred years before Christian religion was born.
-- Mark Twain

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Quote of the Day

On the other hand, you have different fingers...
-- Steven Wright

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Quote of the Day

The level of awe that you get by contemplating the modern scientific view of the universe: deep time (by which I mean geological time), deep space, and what you could call deep complexity, living things..... that level of awe is just orders of magnitude greater and more awe-inspiring than the sort of pokey medieval world-view which the church still actually has. I mean, they sort of pay lip-service to the scientific world-view, but if you listen to what they say on Thought For The Day [a religious program on BBC Radio] and things like that, it is medieval. It's a small world, a small universe, with the sky up there, very little advance since that time. So I yield to nobody in my awe for the universe and for life, but I also have a deep desire to understand it, in terms of what makes it work, what makes it tick, and not to take refuge in spurious non-explanations like "I just believe it because I believe it," that sort of thing.
-- Richard Dawkins, intervi ew with Douglas Adams

Monday, February 02, 2015

Quote of the Day

And then I was confronted with N'Sync, Aerosmith and Britney Spears to*gether*. The trifecta from *Hell*.
-- Lewis Black

Sunday, February 01, 2015

Quote of the Day

The universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours.
-- Bertrand Russell