Monday, August 31, 2015

Quote of the Day

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
-- Groucho Marx

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Quote of the Day

One does not have to appeal to God to set the initial conditions for the creation of the universe, but if one does He would have to act through the laws of physics.
-- Stephen Hawking (Black Holes & Baby Universes)

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Quote of the Day

A quiz: If I am my brother's brother, who am I? (Answer: me.)
-- Jack Handey

Friday, August 28, 2015

Quote of the Day

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
-- Dave Barry

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Quote of the Day

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.
-- Ron Swanson

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Quote of the Day

Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-- Randal Graves

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Quote of the Day

Now, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. Again, I'm no doctor. I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Monday, August 24, 2015

Quote of the Day

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-- Jack Handey

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Quote of the Day

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Quote of the Day

That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan

Friday, August 21, 2015

Quote of the Day

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.
-- David Brin

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Quote of the Day

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
-- John Cleese

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Quote of the Day

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.
-- Bender Unit 22

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Quote of the Day

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac

Monday, August 17, 2015

Quote of the Day

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Quote of the Day

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty, not knowing what comes next.
-- Ursula K. Le Guin

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Quote of the Day

It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Friday, August 14, 2015

Quote of the Day

Sex and the City 2 is the story of, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, four shopaholic whores.
-- Stephen Colbert

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Quote of the Day

He was in a quandary...being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires... uh.. the guy was a wreck.
-- Frank Zappa

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Quote of the Day

What's another word for thesaurus?
-- Stephen Wright

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Quote of the Day

Then you have to say one or other of two things. Either God only speaks to a very small percentage of mankind--which happens to include yourself--or He deliberately says things are not true in talking to the consciences of savages.
-- Bertrand Russell

Monday, August 10, 2015

Quote of the Day

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
-- George Carlin

Sunday, August 09, 2015

Quote of the Day

The trinitarian believes a virgin to be the mother of a son who is her maker.
-- Sir Francis Bacon

Saturday, August 08, 2015

Quote of the Day

I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Friday, August 07, 2015

Quote of the Day

Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!
-- Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush

Thursday, August 06, 2015

Quote of the Day

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-- Orson Welles

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Quote of the Day

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
-- Demetri Martin

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Quote of the Day

... of course, this probably only happens for tcsh which uses wait4(), which is why I never saw it. Serves people who use that abomination right 8^)
-- Linus Torvalds, about a patch that fixes getrusage for 1.3.26

Monday, August 03, 2015

Quote of the Day

I think it is not helpful to apply Darwinian language too widely. Conquest of nation by nation is too distant for Darwinian explanations to be helpful.
-- Richard Dawkin

Sunday, August 02, 2015

Quote of the Day

When I eat, it is the food that is scared.
-- Ron Swanson

Saturday, August 01, 2015

Quote of the Day

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
-- Eric Idle