Sunday, January 31, 2016

Quote of the Day

The universe is a strange and wondrous place. The truth is quite odd enough to need no help from pseudoscientific charlatans.
-- Richard Dawkins

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Quote of the Day

An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.
-- Margaret Atwood

Friday, January 29, 2016

Quote of the Day

No, forget the glass Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.
-- Sterling Archer

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Quote of the Day

This is crazy! Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone? She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
-- Dave Lister

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Quote of the Day

I don't say that we ought to all misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.
-- Orson Welles

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Quote of the Day

Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Monday, January 25, 2016

Quote of the Day

Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have orgasms? The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime.
-- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Quote of the Day

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter Thompson

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Quote of the Day

Fry, of all the friends I've had ... you're the first.
-- Bender Unit 22

Friday, January 22, 2016

Quote of the Day

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
-- The Doctor

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Quote of the Day

I went home with a waitress,
The way I always do.
How I was I to know?
She was with the Russians too.

I was gambling in Havana,
I took a little risk.
Send lawyers, guns, and money,
Dad, get me out of this.

-- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Liberty "University"

Kollege of Kristian Knowledge

Quote of the Day

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
-- Jack Handey

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Quote of the Day

In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be the homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that.
-- George Carlin

Monday, January 18, 2016

Quote of the Day

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
-- Mark Twain

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Quote of the Day

Send lawyers, guns, and money,
The shit has hit the fan.

-- Warren Zevon

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Quote of the Day

Oh, there will be a day of reckoning for you, non-believer! A totalling of sums and a snapping of necks, and you will count yourself among the damned!
-- Jodene Sparks

Friday, January 15, 2016

Quote of the Day

echo $package has manual pages available in source form.
echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you."

-- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Quote of the Day

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
-- Stephen Wright

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Quote of the Day

People who think of videos as an art form are probably the same people who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a revolutionary form of soft sculpture.
-- Frank Zappa

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Quote of the Day

A lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math. That's why I like them. If we could find a way to tax people who are bad at English, science and history I'd be a happy camper.
-- Dana Blankenhorn

Monday, January 11, 2016

Quote of the Day

People talk about the horrors of war, but what weapon has man invented that even approaches in cruelty to some of the commoner diseases? "Natural" death, almost by definition, means something slow, smelly and painful.
-- George Orwell

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Quote of the Day

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
-- Terry Pratchett (Eric)

Saturday, January 09, 2016

Quote of the Day

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
-- Groucho Marx

Friday, January 08, 2016

Quote of the Day

It's tough to have sex during marriage because you're always walking that tight rope between "this again?" and "where did you learn that?"
-- Emo Philips

Thursday, January 07, 2016

Quote of the Day

I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Quote of the Day

I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why: it is going to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out your mind. In general this drug will make you just like your mother and father.
-- Frank Zappa

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

Quote of the Day

I like saying "No," it lowers their enthusiasm.
-- Ron Swanson

Monday, January 04, 2016

Quote of the Day

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Quote of the Day

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
-- Douglas Adams

Saturday, January 02, 2016

Quote of the Day

Hollywood is a gold-plated suburb suitable for golfers, gardeners, assorted middlemen, and contented movies stars. I am none of these things.
-- Orson Welles

Friday, January 01, 2016

Quote of the Day

If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
-- Lenny Bruce