Quote of the Day

I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said "if you need anything, I'm Jill." I've never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
-- Demetri Martin

Quote of the Day

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-- W. C. Fields

Quote of the Day

They say no man is an island. False! I am an island, and this island is volcanic, and it's about to erupt with the hot molten lava of strategy.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so; It is not so. It is so; it is not so.
-- Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richard's Almanack, 1743)

Quote of the Day

This is like deja vu all over again.
-- Yogi Berra

Quote of the Day

... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent observations and inferences by the thousands. The earth is billions of years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary descent. Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but do we brand people illiberal when they proclaim that the earth is neither flat nor at the center of the universe? Science *has* taught us some things with confidence! Evolution on an ancient earth is as well established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" -- into doubt.
-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.

Quote of the Day

Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
-- Charles Mingus

Quote of the Day

I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gotama Buddha

Quote of the Day

A functioning police state needs no police.
-- William S. Burroughs

Quote of the Day

These go to eleven.
-- Nigel Tufnel

Quote of the Day

Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows, but without that noise.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
-- Henny Youngman

Quote of the Day

The priests used to say that faith can move mountains, and nobody believed them. Today the scientists say that they can level mountains, and nobody doubts them.
-- Joseph Campbell

Quote of the Day

There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
-- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare

Quote of the Day

Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

When I was a child, the other children in my neighborhood would taunt me, calling me "noodle-head" or "neo-Calvinist" So I would run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap tight and pull me back.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller (Catch-22)

Quote of the Day

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde (The Portrait of Mr. W.H.)

Quote of the Day

Once I got poison ivy on my brain and the only way I could scratch it was to think about sandpaper.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Turkey can never beat cow.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)

Quote of the Day

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards.
-- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.

Quote of the Day

On my death bed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to Hell one last time. Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

OK, but I don't want anyone thinking we're robosexuals.
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

Because all you of Earth are idiots!
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)

Quote of the Day

Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.
-- Brodie Bruce

Quote of the Day

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey

Quote of the Day

He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain.
-- John Moore

Quote of the Day

I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.
-- The Sphinx

Quote of the Day

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The Internet is the most powerful stupidity amplifier ever invented. It's like television without the television part.
-- James "Kibo" Perry

Quote of the Day

Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Never have I encountered such foul, mindless perversity! Have you considered a career in the church?
-- Bishop of Bath and Wells (Blackadder II)

Quote of the Day

"Creation science" has not entered the curriculum for a reason so simple and so basic that we often forget to mention it: because it is false, and because good teachers understand exactly why it is false. What could be more destructive of that most fragile yet most precious commodity in our entire intellectual heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing honorable teachers to sully their sacred trust by granting equal treatment to a doctrine not only known to be false, but calculated to undermine any general understanding of science as an enterprise?
-- Stephen Jay Gould

Quote of the Day

Dammit, I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
-- Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)

Quote of the Day

Once again, your stupidity has killed us!
-- Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Diego Garcia Marquez

Quote of the Day

Creationist critics often charge that evolution cannot be tested, and therefore cannot be viewed as a properly scientific subject at all. This claim is rhetorical nonsense.
-- Stephen Jay Gould (Dinosaur in a Haystack)

Quote of the Day

Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-- Randal Graves

Quote of the Day

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.
-- Mort Sahl

Quote of the Day

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power is derived by a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
-- Monty Python

Quote of the Day

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations like prostitutes.
-- Stanley Kubrick

Quote of the Day

Jazz washes away the dust of every day life.
-- Art Blakey

Quote of the Day

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)

Quote of the Day

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Is Kreme is really at its best when Krispy? Seems counterintuitive. And gross.
-- Bill Corbett