Quote of the Day

If you don't live it, It won't come out of your horn.
-- Charlie Parker

Quote of the Day

Yep. My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me, then we divorced, then last week I ran into her sister Beth here; turns out she hates Tammy too, so we started dating. It's like a fairy tale!
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Normally, I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

The concept of the rock-guitar solo in the eightees has pretty much been reduced to: Weedly-weedly-wee, make a face, hold your guitar like it's your weenie, point it heavenward, and look like you're really doing something. Then, you geta big ovation while the the smoke bombs go off, and the motorized lights in your truss twirl around.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

Oh, so, just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a radical?
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending.
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

I'm looking for something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
-- Jack Handey