Quote of the Day

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

Ah, there's nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

I call this turf 'n' turf. It's a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

I have to admit I have a monkey on my back. It represents my crippling addiction to monkeys.
-- Stephen Colbert

Quote of the Day

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Don't mess with the volcano my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt.
-- Mr. Furious