Quote of the Day

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
-- W. C. Fields

Quote of the Day

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Cannibals prefer those who have no spines.
-- Stanislaw Lem

Quote of the Day

We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre

Quote of the Day

Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.
-- John Ciardi