Quote of the Day

An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson

Quote of the Day

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan

Quote of the Day

That chill, my young non-friend, is probably the cold breath of the reaper breathing down your neck.
-- Captain Hazel 'Hank' Murphy

Quote of the Day

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
-- Paula Poundstone

Quote of the Day

Blasphemy is an epithet bestowed by superstition upon common sense.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll

Quote of the Day

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

We are number one! All others are number two, or lower.
-- The Sphinx