Quote of the Day

This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasnt the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

And then I was confronted with N'Sync, Aerosmith and Britney Spears to*gether*. The trifecta from *Hell*.
-- Lewis Black

Quote of the Day

We're talking about whether any independent contractors working on the uncompleted death star were innocent victims when the rebels destroyed it.
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. 'Do this' 'Gimme that' 'I want a new car' 'I want a better job'. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But...what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn't in god's divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a divine plan. What's the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? 'Well it's god's will. God's will be done.' Fine, but if it gods will and he's going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

Bender's a genius!
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
-- Donald E. Knuth