Quote of the Day

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.
-- Robin Williams

Quote of the Day

Hooray, I'm useful!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.
-- Lisa Simpson

Quote of the Day

In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

If only he had joined a mainstream religion, like Oprahism or Voodoo.
-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth

Quote of the Day

If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
-- Lenny Bruce

Quote of the Day

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.
-- H.L. Mencken