Quote of the Day

It is said that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that by learned discourse, he may rise above the savage, and be closer to God. Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me that I'm best.
-- Edmund, Lord Blackadder (Blackadder II)

Quote of the Day

I hate people who love me. And they hate me.
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

In these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing certain.
-- Pliny the Elder

Quote of the Day

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
-- John Stuart Mill

Quote of the Day

Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

I want to share something with you -- the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one, "Cover for me." Number two, "Oh, good idea, boss." Number three, "It was like that when I got here."
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions.
-- Benjamin Spock

Quote of the Day

Well I don't have anything else planned for today, let's get drunk!
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

As the one guy said to the other guy when he was getting fed up, "I'm getting fed up."
-- Vyvyan Basterd

Quote of the Day

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

In real life it is always the anvil that breaks the hammer.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

All I wanted was to make the world a better place... and to make an assload of money.
-- Jodene Sparks

Quote of the Day

Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration--courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and, above all, love of the truth.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

Ah ha-ha, chess! The ancient contest of wits! Two opponenets: mano a mano. Braino a braino. And look! Magnets for ease of travel! You could play chess on the moon!
-- The Tick

Quote of the Day

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

I don't do drugs, or worship the devil.
-- Rick Bode (Champagne and Bullets)

Quote of the Day

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider godfearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side.
-- Aristotle (384-322 BCE), "Politics"

Quote of the Day

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin (interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal)

Quote of the Day

Love is a slippery eel that bites like hell.
-- Matt Groening

Quote of the Day

Church, cult. Cult, church. Big deal! So we get bored somewhere else every Sunday!
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb

Quote of the Day

You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.
-- The Sphinx

Quote of the Day

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"

Quote of the Day

Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired, go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!
-- Bill Hicks

Quote of the Day

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
-- Thomas Jefferson