Quote of the Day

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. 'Do this' 'Gimme that' 'I want a new car' 'I want a better job'. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But...what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn't in god's divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a divine plan. What's the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? 'Well it's god's will. God's will be done.' Fine, but if it gods will and he's going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

Bender's a genius!
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
-- Donald E. Knuth

Quote of the Day

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Unix is the worst operating system; except for all others.
-- Berry Kercheval

Quote of the Day

I think the best indication that there is no God is that Stevie Ray Vaughan got killed and Celine Dion reproduced.
-- Kevin Enns (SKEPTIC Mailing List)

Quote of the Day

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

Ah, there's nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

I call this turf 'n' turf. It's a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

I have to admit I have a monkey on my back. It represents my crippling addiction to monkeys.
-- Stephen Colbert

Quote of the Day

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Don't mess with the volcano my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt.
-- Mr. Furious

Quote of the Day

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
-- Joseph Heller

Quote of the Day

Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverance can you have for a Supreme being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was going through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the ability to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain....

Who created the dangers? Oh, He was really being charitable to us when He gave us pain! Why couldn't He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of His celestial choirs? Or a system of red and blue neon tubes right in the middle of each person's forehead?....

They certainly look beautiful now, writhing in agony or stupified with morphine, don't they? What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. It's obvious He never met a payroll. Why,no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!
-- Yossarian (Catch-22, Joseph Heller)