Quote of the Day

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing...
-- Nigel Tufnel

Quote of the Day

I've recently noticed "as if for the first time" that when people pray they always look "upward" -- i.e. perpendicular to whatever place they're standing -- or kneeling or groveling. I deduce that they conceive of their "god" as topologically isomorphic to a huge donut, about a thousand miles wider than Earth.
-- Robert Anton Wilson

Quote of the Day

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

I figure that if God actually does exist, He's big enough to understand an honest difference of opinion.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

I regard monotheism as the greatest disaster ever to befall the human race. I see no good in Judaism, Christianity, or Islam -- good people, yes, but any religion based on a single, well, frenzied and virulent god, is not as useful to the human race as, say, Confucianism, which is not a religion but an ethical and educational system.
-- Gore Vidal

Quote of the Day

Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray

Quote of the Day

The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutie the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III