Quote of the Day

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

A quiz: If I am my brother's brother, who am I? (Answer: me.)
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

Only fools are positive.
-- Moe Howard

Quote of the Day

He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-- Rudyard Kipling

Quote of the Day

Shorts over six inches are capri pants, shorts under six inches are European.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

If it is thus, I ask emphatically whence comes this thusness.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
-- SpongeBob SquarePants

Quote of the Day

I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.
-- Marcus Procius Cato