Quote of the Day

When I was a child, the other children in my neighborhood would taunt me, calling me "noodle-head" or "neo-Calvinist" So I would run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap tight and pull me back.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller (Catch-22)

Quote of the Day

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde (The Portrait of Mr. W.H.)

Quote of the Day

Once I got poison ivy on my brain and the only way I could scratch it was to think about sandpaper.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Turkey can never beat cow.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)

Quote of the Day

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards.
-- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.

Quote of the Day

On my death bed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to Hell one last time. Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely. If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

OK, but I don't want anyone thinking we're robosexuals.
-- Bender Unit 22