"Whoopee" was such a beautiful word and then Bob Eubanks had to go and cheapen it.
-- James Urbaniak (via Twitter)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Quote of the Day
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Quote of the Day
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, February 26, 2010
Quote of the Day
Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about the tenth century, and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN abandoned the practise.
-- Sun FORTRAN Reference Manual
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Quote of the Day
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Quote of the Day
In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying.
--Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Quote of the Day
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Quote of the Day
It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
Friday, February 19, 2010
Quote of the Day
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the same sense and to the same extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
-- H.L. Mencken
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Quote of the Day
No character, however upright, is a match for constantly reiterated attacks, however false.
-- Alexander Hamilton
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Quote of the Day
The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?
-- Jack Handey
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Quote of the Day
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Quote of the Day
I've always said there's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.
-- Monty Python
Friday, February 12, 2010
Quote of the Day
Religious people split into three main groups when faced with science. I shall label them the "know-nothings", the "know-alls", and the "no-contests"
-- Richard Dawkins
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Quote of the Day
I think the best indication that there is no God is that Stevie Ray Vaughan got killed and Celine Dion reproduced.
-- Kevin Enns (SKEPTIC Mailing List)
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Quote of the Day
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."
-- Jack Handey
Monday, February 08, 2010
Quote of the Day
The universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours.
-- Bertrand Russell
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Quote of the Day
Ned... have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
-- Reverend Timothy Lovejoy
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Friday, February 05, 2010
Quote of the Day
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
-- Henny Youngman
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Quote of the Day
In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Quote of the Day
Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
Quote of the Day
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll go build my own lunar lander. With blackjack. And hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.
-- Bender Unit 22
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