Quote of the Day

The general root of superstition is that men observe when things hit, and not when they miss, and commit to memory the one, and pass over the other.
-- Sir Francis Bacon

Quote of the Day

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

I won't say anything because no one ever listens to me anyway. I might as well be a Leonard Cohen record.
-- Neil Pye

Quote of the Day

You men, the next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergymans rate.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
-- Mitch Ratcliffe

Quote of the Day

I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

When the music changes, so does the dance.
-- African proverb

Quote of the Day

You can't crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them.
-- Ursula K. Le Guin

Quote of the Day

Creationist critics often charge that evolution cannot be tested, and therefore cannot be viewed as a properly scientific subject at all. This claim is rhetorical nonsense.
-- Stephen Jay Gould (Dinosaur in a Haystack)

Quote of the Day

The study of theology, as it stands in Christian churches, is the study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on no principles; it proceeds by no authorities; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing; and it admits of no conclusion.
-- Thomas Paine (The Age of Reason, 1794)

Quote of the Day

Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about the tenth century, and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN abandoned the practise.
-- Sun FORTRAN Reference Manual

Quote of the Day

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham

Quote of the Day

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!
-- Henry David Thoreau

Quote of the Day

A thousand years frozen in carbonite? It'll be so cold!
-- Derek 'Stormy' Waters

Quote of the Day

No, I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

echo $package has manual pages available in source form.
echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you."
-- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution

Quote of the Day

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of course, the same can be said of dirt.
-- Sandra Boynton

Quote of the Day

A woman like that you gotta romance first!
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.
-- Honore de Balzac

Quote of the Day

Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we have tolerated the last eight years?
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)

Quote of the Day

You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!
-- Max Bialystock

Quote of the Day

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
-- Terry Pratchett (The Truth)

Quote of the Day

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasnt the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Mmmm...open faced club sand wedge.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
-- Jack Handey