Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Quote of the Day

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
-- Jack Handey

Monday, October 30, 2006

Quote of the Day

Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Quote of the Day

I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Friday, October 27, 2006

Quote of the Day

My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights -- or very early mornings -- when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour ... booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which turnoff to take when I got to the other end ... but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Quote of the Day

This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Quote of the Day

Hello. We're the ones who control your lives. We make the decisions that affect all of you. Isn't it interesting to know that those who run your lives would have the nerve to tell you about it in this manner? Suffer, you fools. We know everything you do, and we know where you go. What do you think the cameras are for? And the global-positioning satellites? And the Social Security numbers? You belong to us. And it can't be changed. Sign your petitions, walk your picket lines, bring your lawsuits, cast your votes, and write those stupid letters to whomever you please; you won't change a thing. Because we control your lives. And we have plans for you. Go back to sleep.
-- George Carlin

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Quote of the Day

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre

Mmmm, Preserved Vegetarian

Monday, October 23, 2006

Quote of the Day

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-- Jack Handey

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Quote of the Day

We're not your classic heros. We're the other guys.
-- The Shoveler

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Quote of the Day

The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould

Week in Review

- Friday Random Ten
- Cardinals beat Mets to win National League pennant
- Albert Einstein Online
- Charles Darwin Online
- Spammers: Impaling is too good for them
- Rick Santorum is an Idiot
- People are Stupid, Part V
- I predict it will be awful
- North Korea in the Dark
- Maybe he thought it was a double leap year or something

Friday, October 20, 2006

Quote of the Day

The priests used to say that faith can move mountains, and nobody believed them. Today the scientists say that they can level mountains, and nobody doubts them.
-- Joseph Campbell

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Quote of the Day

Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

LiveJournal

For what it's worth, here's yet another LiveJournal profile.

Quote of the Day

A cult is a religion with no political power.
-- Tom Wolfe

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Quote of the Day

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
-- Jack Handey

Monday, October 16, 2006

Quote of the Day

It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Quote of the Day

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Quote of the Day

Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there.
-- Frank Zappa

Week in Review

- North Korean Dud?
- Friday Random Ten
- Muhahahahaha
- I are an English Genius
- Yet More Fundamentalist Idiocy
- Spammers are all Worthless and Weak
- Turkish Star Trek
- Friday Random Ten
- Microsoft Outlook Award Winner…
- Existentialist Light Bulb Joke

Friday, October 13, 2006

Quote of the Day

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors.
-- Thomas Jefferson

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Pray to the MP3 Gods

Quote of the Day

T.V. God, I want porno bloopers!
-- Derek 'Stormy' Waters

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Quote of the Day

When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foes with a balanced attack.
-- The Sphinx

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Quote of the Day

In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!
-- Orson Welles

Monday, October 09, 2006

Quote of the Day

Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.
-- Richard Dawkins

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Quote of the Day

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Friday, October 06, 2006

Quote of the Day

Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot;
Or he can, but does not want to;
Or he cannot and does not want to.
If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent.
If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked.
But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil,
Then how come evil in the world?

-- Epicurus

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Quote of the Day

I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
-- Max Bialystock

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Quote of the Day

Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-- H.L. Mencken

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Satanic Hair

Quote of the Day

It was the greatest night of my life. I'd been invited to the Captain's Table. I'd only been with the company fourteen years. Six officers and me! They called me "Arnold." We had gazpacho soup for starters. I didn't know gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and I told him to take it away and bring it back hot. He did. The looks on their faces still haunt me today! I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time, they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup. I never ate at the Captain's Table again. That was the end of my career.
-- Arnold Judas Rimmer

Monday, October 02, 2006

Quote of the Day

Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which piles up first!
-- Crow T. Robot

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Quote of the Day

Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
-- Martin Mull