Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.
-- Mister Boffo
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Quote of the Day
Friday, March 30, 2012
Quote of the Day
I like a cold because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What do the rest of you use? Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother? Non-narcotic sissy pansy bullshit! NyQuil's the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package, '180 Proof.' It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday! When I got a cold, I want something that's gonna fuck me up! Cause that way the blur seems interesting... NyQuil comes in two colors, red and green. It's the only thing on the planet that tastes like...red and green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That's right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog. Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, 'This tastes like shit!' But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.
-- Lewis Black
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Quote of the Day
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
-- Stephen Wright
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Quote of the Day
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
-- Niels Bohr
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Quote of the Day
I was in ROTC in college. One day the commander came up to me and said, "Emo, I haven't seen you in camouflage class in six weeks." I replied, "I'm getting good, aren't I?"
-- Emo Philips
Monday, March 26, 2012
Quote of the Day
Goddammit! The world is just filling up with more and more idiots! And the computer is giving them access to the world! They're spreading their stupidity! At least they were contained before--now they're on the loose everywhere!
-- Harlan Ellison
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Quote of the Day
It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Week in Review
Friday, March 23, 2012
Quote of the Day
Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
-- Ian Faith
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Quote of the Day
Usually, when you go to someone's house they offer you coffee. They say, "You want some coffee?" I tell them, "No thanks, I have coffee at home. But I could use a little pancake mix." I try to get things I need.
-- George Carlin
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Quote of the Day
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
-- Groucho Marx
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Quote of the Day
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Monday, March 19, 2012
Quote of the Day
The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.
-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Quote of the Day
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
-- Groucho Marx
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Quote of the Day
My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Quote of the Day
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Quote of the Day
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
-- H.L. Mencken
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Quote of the Day
Oh my God. This is just like that drug trip I saw in that movie while I was on that drug trip.
-- Philip J. Fry
Monday, March 12, 2012
Quote of the Day
Oh sweet information superhighway, what bring you me from the depths of cyberspace?
-- Crow T. Robot
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Quote of the Day
Certainly I see the scientific view of the world as incompatible with religion, but that is not what is interesting about it. It is also incompatible with magic, but that also is not worth stressing. What is interesting about the scientific world view is that it is true, inspiring, remarkable and that it unites a whole lot of phenomena under a single heading.
-- Richard Dawkins
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Quote of the Day
Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails dangers that must not be underestimated. Practitioners must take into account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being. The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience.
-- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
Friday, March 09, 2012
Quote of the Day
FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
-- A.J. Perlis
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Quote of the Day
Hey, wouldn't it be terrible if we ended up having to eat each other? Like those sailors did in that film, um..."We Ended Up Having To Eat Each Other."
-- Neil Pye
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Quote of the Day
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
-- Stephen Wright
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Monday, March 05, 2012
Quote of the Day
The creed whose legitimacy is most easily challenged is likely to develop the strongest proselytizing impulse. It is doubtful whether a movement which does not profess some preposterous and patently irrational dogma can be possessed of that zealous drive which "must either win men or destroy the world." It is also plausible that those movements with the greatest inner contradiction between profession and practice-that is to say with a strong feeling of guilt-are likely to be the most fervent in imposing their faith on others.
-- Eric Hoffer, The True Believer, 1951, section 88
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Quote of the Day
Sentimentality -- that's what we call the sentiment we don't share.
-- Graham Greene
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Quote of the Day
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
Friday, March 02, 2012
Quote of the Day
So, a graduate student, huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but you can't make my shoes smell good?
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, March 01, 2012
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