Quote of the Day

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by people who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried anything.
-- Jim Joyce, former computer science lecturer at the University of California

Quote of the Day

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

I suspect that today if you asked people to justify their belief in God, the dominant reason would be scientific. Most people, I believe, think that you need a God to explain the existence of the world, and especially the existence of life. They are wrong, but our education system is such that many people don't know it.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
-- Jack Handey