Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Quote of the Day

I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
-- George Carlin

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Quote of the Day

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
-- Jack Handey

Monday, August 31, 2015

Quote of the Day

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
-- Groucho Marx

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Quote of the Day

One does not have to appeal to God to set the initial conditions for the creation of the universe, but if one does He would have to act through the laws of physics.
-- Stephen Hawking (Black Holes & Baby Universes)

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Quote of the Day

A quiz: If I am my brother's brother, who am I? (Answer: me.)
-- Jack Handey

Friday, August 28, 2015

Quote of the Day

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
-- Dave Barry

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Quote of the Day

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.
-- Ron Swanson

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Quote of the Day

Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-- Randal Graves

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Quote of the Day

Now, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. Again, I'm no doctor. I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Monday, August 24, 2015

Quote of the Day

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-- Jack Handey