Quote of the Day

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
-- Quentin Crisp

Quote of the Day

Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; Love is not music; Music is the best.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Quote of the Day

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin, and the bassist is the late Barry Oakley of the Allman Brothers. So Stevie Ray's thinking, "Oh, wow! I've died and gone to rock and roll heaven." Just then, Karen Carpenter walks in, sits down at the drums, and says: "'Close to You'. Hit it, boys!"
-- Told by Penn Jillette, of magic/comedy duo Penn and Teller

Quote of the Day

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

In real life it is always the anvil that breaks the hammer.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)

Quote of the Day

"Whoopee" was such a beautiful word and then Bob Eubanks had to go and cheapen it.
-- James Urbaniak (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

The last time somebody said, "I find I can write much better with a word processor.", I replied, "They used to say the same thing about drugs."
-- Roy Blount, Jr.

Quote of the Day

Mmmm, free goo.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.
-- Aristophanes

Quote of the Day

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
-- African proverb

Quote of the Day

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

I have to admit I have a monkey on my back. It represents my crippling addiction to monkeys.
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright

Quote of the Day

When you're part of a team, you stand up for your teammates. Your loyalty is to them. You protect them through good and bad, because they'd do the same for you.
-- Yogi Berra

Quote of the Day

The actual tragedies of life bear no relation to one's preconceived ideas. In the event, one is always bewildered by their simplicity, their grandeur of design, and by that element of the bizzare which seems inherent in them.
-- Jean Cocteau

Quote of the Day

Yep. My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me, then we divorced, then last week I ran into her sister Beth here; turns out she hates Tammy too, so we started dating. It's like a fairy tale!
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
-- William Goldman

Quote of the Day

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Science Fiction writers, I am sorry to say, really do not know anything. We can't talk about science because our knowledge of it is limited and unofficial, and usually our fiction is dreadful.
-- Philip K. Dick

Quote of the Day

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

The greater the difficulty, the greater the glory.
-- Cicero

Quote of the Day

Eternal suffering awaits all those who question God's infinite love.
-- Bill Hicks

Quote of the Day

Every Christmas my mom would get a fresh goose, for gooseburgers, and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.
-- Phillip J. Fry

Quote of the Day

Hooray, I'm useful!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?

He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work for him then.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

OK, but I don't want anyone thinking we're robosexuals.
-- Bender Unit 22