Quote of the Day

I have something to say to the religionist who feels atheists never say anything positive: You are an intelligent human being. Your life is valuable for its own sake. You are not second-class in the universe, deriving meaning and purpose from some other mind. You are not inherently evil--you are inherently human, possessing the positive rational potential to help make this a world of morality, peace and joy. Trust yourself.
-- Dan Barker (Losing Faith in Faith)

Quote of the Day

God made food; the devil the cooks.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)

Quote of the Day

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

His power lies apparently in his ability to choose incompetent enemies.
-- Crow T. Robot

Quote of the Day

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy?
-- Captain Hazel 'Hank' Murphy

Quote of the Day

Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired, go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!
-- Bill Hicks

Quote of the Day

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
-- Richard P. Feynman

Quote of the Day

We owe it to ourselves as respectable human beings, as thinking human beings, to do what we can to make humanity more rational...Humanists recognize that it is only when people feel free to think for themselves, using reason as their guide, that they are best capable of developing values that succeed in satisfying human needs and serving human interests.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

My girlfriend and I broke up recently, and I must say I am relieved. It gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his doorstep by his parents. You can use those oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care. They're your oats.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don't want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.
-- Alfred Hitchcock

Quote of the Day

I can imagine no greater misfortune for a cultured people than to see in the hands of the rulers not only the civil, but also the religious power.
-- Caius Valerius Catullus

Quote of the Day

Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; Love is not music; Music is the best.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
-- Chinese proverb

Quote of the Day

He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain.
-- John Moore

Quote of the Day

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
-- Philip J. Fry

Quote of the Day

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Another war ... must it always be so? How many comrades have we lost in this way? ... Obedience. Duty. Death, and more death ...
-- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2

Quote of the Day

The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Eternal suffering awaits all those who question God's infinite love.
-- Bill Hicks

Quote of the Day

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Why isn't there a name for the meal between breakfast and brunch?
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

Reality is a bit untrustworthy at the best of times. There are plenty of people who believe that Elvis is alive, or that aliens occasionally land here to do highly personal things to people, or that the whole idea of evolution is a conspiracy of godless scientists. Almost all of these people can vote and some of them have got guns.
-- Terry Pratchett