Quote of the Day

What's in a name? That is what we ask ourselves in childhood when we write the name that we are told is ours.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

You read the Bible in your own special ways
you're fond of quoting certain things it says
Mouth full of righteousness and wrath from above
When do we hear about forgiveness and love?
-- Bruce Cockburn, "Gospel of Bondage"

Quote of the Day

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
-- James Thurber

Quote of the Day

If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright

Quote of the Day

I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
-- A. Whitney Brown

Quote of the Day

I do not suppose I shall be remembered for anything. But I don't think about my work in those terms. It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
-- William Goldman

Quote of the Day

Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving.
-- Penn Jillette

Quote of the Day

You can cite a hundred references to show that the biblical God is a bloodthirsty tyrant, but if they can dig up two or three verses that say "God is love," they will claim that *you* are taking things out of context!
-- Dan Barker (Losing Faith in Faith)

Quote of the Day

Jazz washes away the dust of every day life.
-- Art Blakey

Quote of the Day

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
-- Erma Bombeck

Quote of the Day

The level of awe that you get by contemplating the modern scientific view of the universe: deep time (by which I mean geological time), deep space, and what you could call deep complexity, living things..... that level of awe is just orders of magnitude greater and more awe-inspiring than the sort of pokey medieval world-view which the church still actually has. I mean, they sort of pay lip-service to the scientific world-view, but if you listen to what they say on Thought For The Day [a religious program on BBC Radio] and things like that, it is medieval. It's a small world, a small universe, with the sky up there, very little advance since that time. So I yield to nobody in my awe for the universe and for life, but I also have a deep desire to understand it, in terms of what makes it work, what makes it tick, and not to take refuge in spurious non-explanations like "I just believe it because I believe it," that sort of thing.
-- Richard Dawkins, interview with Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm? Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything , which is why they are able to produce Laverne and Shirley week after week.
-- Dave Barry (The Taming of the Screw)

Quote of the Day

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to 'em, you'll get back plenty in return.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about the tenth century, and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN abandoned the practise.
-- Sun FORTRAN Reference Manual

Quote of the Day

One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

He don't know me vewy well, DO he?
-- Bugs Bunny

Quote of the Day

I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

The intelligent beings in these regions should therefore not be surprised if they observe that their locality in the universe satisfies the conditions that are necessary for their existence. It is a bit like a rich person living in a wealthy neighborhood not seeing any poverty.
-- Stephen Hawking

Quote of the Day

America ... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

A house is where you put your stuff when you're out buying other stuff.
-- George Carlin