Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Quote of the Day

If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Monday, September 29, 2008

James A. Chappell

Quote of the Day

[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
-- Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regiment)

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Quote of the Day

Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there.
-- Paula Trent (Plan 9 from Outer Space)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Quote of the Day

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.
-- Frank Zappa

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Quote of the Day

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy --- something like that.
-- Jack Handey

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Quote of the Day

When a nice clean brain tumbles into the dirty street to lay among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gum wads of wickedness, you can't just pick it up and wash it off with soap and water; you have to think it clean from the inside out!
-- The Tick

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Quote of the Day

Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails dangers that must not be underestimated. Practitioners must take into account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being. The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience.
-- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD

Monday, September 22, 2008

Quote of the Day

Hollywood is a gold-plated suburb suitable for golfers, gardeners, assorted middlemen, and contented movies stars. I am none of these things.
-- Orson Welles

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Quote of the Day

People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.
-- Emo Philips

Friday, September 19, 2008

Quote of the Day

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
-- Neil Gaiman

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Quote of the Day

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
-- Scottish proverb

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Quote of the Day

I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines!
-- Mr. Furious

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Quote of the Day

As the one guy said to the other guy when he was getting fed up, "I'm getting fed up."
-- Vyvyan Basterd

Monday, September 15, 2008

Quote of the Day

Bring me a creationist who doesn't lie, deceive, distort and distract then I will show you a whole lot of thin air!
-- Clayton Forno

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Quote of the Day

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
-- Douglas Adams

Saturday, September 13, 2008

James A. Chappell

Quote of the Day

No! No! NO! We're not watching the bloody Good Life! Bloody bloody bloody! I hate it! It's so bloody nice! Felicity "Treacle" Kendall and Richard "Sugar-Flavored-Snot" Briars! What do they do now? Chocolate bloody Button ads, that's what! They're just a couple of reactionary stereotypes, confirming the myth that everyone in Britain is a lovable, middle-class eccentric - and I - HATE - THEM!
-- Vyvyan Basterd

Week in Review

- Friday Random Ten: 2008-09-12
- Mmmm, Bacterium with Chicken
- Reading: _The Robber Bride_
- GOP and Science
- Friday Random Ten: 2008-09-05
- Country First?
- GOP convention seating chart
- Italo Calvino
- Linux User #310674
- 190,000

Friday, September 12, 2008

Quote of the Day

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Quote of the Day

Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Quote of the Day

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Quote of the Day

I think the best indication that there is no God is that Stevie Ray Vaughan got killed and Celine Dion reproduced.
-- Kevin Enns (SKEPTIC Mailing List)

James A. Chappell

Monday, September 08, 2008

Quote of the Day

I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
-- Jack Handey

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Quote of the Day

They have the Internet on computers, now?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Friday, September 05, 2008

Quote of the Day

You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.
-- Professor Frink

Thursday, September 04, 2008

RLRR

Quote of the Day

In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Quote of the Day

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
-- Stephen Wright

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Quote of the Day

I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
-- Jack Handey

Monday, September 01, 2008

Quote of the Day

Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverance can you have for a Supreme being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was going through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the ability to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain....

Who created the dangers? Oh, He was really being charitable to us when He gave us pain! Why couldn't He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of His celestial choirs? Or a system of red and blue neon tubes right in the middle of each person's forehead?....

They certainly look beautiful now, writhing in agony or stupified with morphine, don't they? What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. It's obvious He never met a payroll. Why,no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!

-- Yossarian (Catch-22, Joseph Heller)