Mmmm, free goo.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Quote of the Day
God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
-- Douglas Adams
Week in Review
Friday, December 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has the medieval aroma -- like the days when everything used to sound like that.
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
-- Isaac Asimov
Monday, December 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
-- Donald E. Knuth
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Week in Review
Friday, December 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
The nanny state is always sticking its nose into our business, from baby seats to motorcycle helmets, yet when I let my baby drive my Harley in a baby seat with a helmet, they call child services.
-- Stephen Colbert
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
No one has an idea really of where we should draw the line. What about the Bible? Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around. If you're looking for violent rape imagery, the Bible's right there in your hotel room. If you just want to look up ways to screw people up, there it is, and you're justified because God told you to. You have Shakespeare and you have Sophocles--what are we going to do, lose Oedipus Rex if someone pokes an eye out?
-- Penn Jillette, from Reason magazine, on censorship of violent TV shows
Monday, December 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
-- Stephen Wright
Friday, December 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
And, Lord, we're especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is, except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
In the stands here I see a young couple who must be in love -- they're kissing on every pitch. He's kissing her on the strikes, and she's kissing him on the balls.
-- Harry Caray
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don't want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.
-- Alfred Hitchcock
Monday, December 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.
-- Terry Pratchett (The Last Continent)
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Quote of the Day
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, December 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
-- Jack Handey
Friday, December 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
-- Dante Hicks
Thursday, December 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.
-- Publius Ovidius Naso (Ovid)
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
Sex and the City 2 is the story of, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, four shopaholic whores.
-- Stephen Colbert
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting number than 0.
-- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
Monday, December 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
-- Homer J. Simpson
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