I knew an Amish girl who was excommunicated: too Mennonite.
-- Emo Philips
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
-- George Carlin
Week in Review
Friday, December 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
A free press can of course be good or bad, but, most certainly, without freedom it will never be anything but bad.... Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better, whereas enslavement is a certainty of the worse.
-- Albert Camus
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today.
-- Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
-- Squidward Tentacles
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Week in Review
Friday, December 22, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
I like having the capitol of the United States in Washington, D.C., in spite of recent efforts to move it to Lynchburg, Virginia
-- Frank Zappa
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
-- Douglas Adams
Monday, December 18, 2006
Quote of the Day
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Week in Review
Friday, December 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
-- Sir Richard F. Burton
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, December 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
The universe is a strange and wondrous place. The truth is quite odd enough to need no help from pseudoscientific charlatans.
-- Richard Dawkins
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.
-- Arturo Toscanini
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I'm wrong. The number of people who thought Hitler was right did not make him right... Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?
-- Frank Zappa
Week in Review
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed -- but a woman is always a woman.
-- James T. Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.
-- H.L. Mencken
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Monday, December 04, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
Friday, December 01, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Experiment or Blog-Whoring?
(via rlrr)
Short Version: Link to this post in the name of science. Ask others to do the same. Results to be announced during the "Meet the Bloggers" panel at MLA 2006.
OK, I'll play: link
Quote of the Day
We owe it to ourselves as respectable human beings, as thinking human beings, to do what we can to make humanity more rational...Humanists recognize that it is only when people feel free to think for themselves, using reason as their guide, that they are best capable of developing values that succeed in satisfying human needs and serving human interests.
-- Isaac Asimov
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."
-- David Letterman
Monday, November 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
-- Stephen Wright
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-- John Ciardi
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Quote of the Day
Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)
Friday, November 24, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Quote of the Day
Science offers us an explanation of how complexity (the difficult) arose out of simplicity (the easy). The hypothesis of God offers no worthwhile explanation for anything, for it simply postulates what we are trying to explain.
-- Richard Dawkins
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Quote of the Day
The intelligent beings in these regions should therefore not be surprised if they observe that their locality in the universe satisfies the conditions that are necessary for their existence. It is a bit like a rich person living in a wealthy neighborhood not seeing any poverty.
-- Stephen Hawking
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
I've always said there's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.
-- Monty Python
Monday, November 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
Many a time in the past six years I have bit my tongue so I wouldn't annoy people with the always obnoxious observation, "I told you so." But, dammit it all to hell, I did tell you, and I've been telling you since 1994, and I am so sick of this man and everything he represents -- all the sleazy, smug, self-righteous graft and corruption and "Christian" moralizing and cynicism and tax cuts for all his smug, rich buddies. Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.
-- Molly Ivins
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.
-- John Stuart Mill
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Quote of the Day
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings
Friday, November 17, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
-- Randal Graves
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, November 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.
-- Harlan Ellison
Friday, November 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
There are two essential rules of management. One: the customer is always right. Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.
-- Dogbert
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Monday, November 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice - there are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.
-- Frank Zappa
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
The general root of superstition is that men observe when things hit, and not when they miss, and commit to memory the one, and pass over the other.
-- Sir Francis Bacon
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
The idea that an arbitrary naive human should be able to properly use a given tool without training or understanding is even more wrong for computing than it is for other tools (e.g. automobiles, airplanes, guns, power saws).
-- Doug Gwyn
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Quote of the Day
The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, October 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning.
-- George Orwell
Week in Review
Friday, October 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights -- or very early mornings -- when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour ... booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which turnoff to take when I got to the other end ... but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Quote of the Day
Hello. We're the ones who control your lives. We make the decisions that affect all of you. Isn't it interesting to know that those who run your lives would have the nerve to tell you about it in this manner? Suffer, you fools. We know everything you do, and we know where you go. What do you think the cameras are for? And the global-positioning satellites? And the Social Security numbers? You belong to us. And it can't be changed. Sign your petitions, walk your picket lines, bring your lawsuits, cast your votes, and write those stupid letters to whomever you please; you won't change a thing. Because we control your lives. And we have plans for you. Go back to sleep.
-- George Carlin
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
Monday, October 23, 2006
Quote of the Day
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Week in Review
Friday, October 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
The priests used to say that faith can move mountains, and nobody believed them. Today the scientists say that they can level mountains, and nobody doubts them.
-- Joseph Campbell
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, October 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there.
-- Frank Zappa
Friday, October 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foes with a balanced attack.
-- The Sphinx
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!
-- Orson Welles
Monday, October 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.
-- Richard Dawkins
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Quote of the Day
No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
Uh, so. Let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find that we have very little in common.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Week in Review
Friday, October 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot;
Or he can, but does not want to;
Or he cannot and does not want to.
If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent.
If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked.
But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil,
Then how come evil in the world?
-- Epicurus
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
-- Max Bialystock
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Quote of the Day
Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-- H.L. Mencken
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
It was the greatest night of my life. I'd been invited to the Captain's Table. I'd only been with the company fourteen years. Six officers and me! They called me "Arnold." We had gazpacho soup for starters. I didn't know gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and I told him to take it away and bring it back hot. He did. The looks on their faces still haunt me today! I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time, they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup. I never ate at the Captain's Table again. That was the end of my career.
-- Arnold Judas Rimmer
Monday, October 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which piles up first!
-- Crow T. Robot
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
-- Martin Mull
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller (Catch-22)
Week in Review
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
The trinitarian believes a virgin to be the mother of a son who is her maker.
-- Sir Francis Bacon
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-- George Carlin
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Quote of the Day
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
-- Rita Rudner
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Quote of the Day
Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.
-- Zaphod Beeblebrox
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
I look into the mirror
I see no happiness
All the warmth I gave you
Has turned to emptiness
The love we had has fallen
The love we used to share
You've left me here believing
In love that wasn't there
-- Yes
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
-- Emo Philips
Friday, September 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.
-- James Blish
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Quote of the Day
Hello. We're the ones who control your lives. We make the decisions that affect all of you. Isn't it interesting to know that those who run your lives would have the nerve to tell you about it in this manner? Suffer, you fools. We know everything you do, and we know where you go. What do you think the cameras are for? And the global-positioning satellites? And the Social Security numbers? You belong to us. And it can't be changed. Sign your petitions, walk your picket lines, bring your lawsuits, cast your votes, and write those stupid letters to whomever you please; you won't change a thing. Because we control your lives. And we have plans for you. Go back to sleep.
-- George Carlin
Monday, September 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
If only more Christians read their bibles there'd be less Christians.
-- Derek W. Clayton
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don't want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.
-- Alfred Hitchcock
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
Jazz is a mental attitude rather than a style. It uses a certain process of the mind expressed spontaneously through some musical instrument. I'm concerned with retaining that process.
-- Bill Evans
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
The man who worships a tyrant in heaven naturally submits his neck to the yoke of tyrants on earth.
-- George W. Foote, Flowers of Freethought
Friday, September 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.
-- Marcus Cole (Babylon 5)
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.
-- Frank Zappa
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Rich Kulawiec
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first primitive umpire.
What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers.
-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
Friday, August 25, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action.
-- Albert Einstein
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Quote of the Day
Don't mess with the volcano my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt.
-- Mr. Furious
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Quote of the Day
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
-- Douglas Adams
Monday, August 21, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!
-- Max Bialystock
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
The level of awe that you get by contemplating the modern scientific view of the universe: deep time (by which I mean geological time), deep space, and what you could call deep complexity, living things..... that level of awe is just orders of magnitude greater and more awe-inspiring than the sort of pokey medieval world-view which the church still actually has. I mean, they sort of pay lip-service to the scientific world-view, but if you listen to what they say on Thought For The Day [a religious program on BBC Radio] and things like that, it is medieval. It's a small world, a small universe, with the sky up there, very little advance since that time. So I yield to nobody in my awe for the universe and for life, but I also have a deep desire to understand it, in terms of what makes it work, what makes it tick, and not to take refuge in spurious non-explanations like "I just believe it because I believe it," that sort of thing.
-- Richard Dawkins, interview with Douglas Adams
Week in Review
Friday, August 18, 2006
Quote of the Day
echo $package has manual pages available in source form.
echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you."
-- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
Science has 'explained' nothing; the more we know the more fantastic the world becomes and the profounder the surrounding darkness.
-- Aldous Huxley
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is true.
-- Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
We've got a blind date with Destiny -- and it looks like she's ordered the lobster.
-- The Shoveler
Monday, August 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
-- David Letterman
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
-- Mark Twain
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Quote of the Day
There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-- W. C. Fields
Friday, August 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time;
Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme.
There'll be no mutant enemy we shall certify;
Political ends, as sad remains, will die.
Reach out as forward tastes begin to enter you.
-- Yes
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Quote of the Day
Unix is hard to learn. The process of learning it is one of multiple small epiphanies. Typically you are just on the verge of inventing some necessary tool or utility when you realize that someone else has already invented it, and built it in, and this explains some odd file or directory or command that you have noticed but never really understood before.
-- Neal Stephenson
Monday, August 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-- Rudyard Kipling
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
-- Wavy Gravy
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Friday, August 04, 2006
Quote of the Day
The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations like prostitutes.
-- Stanley Kubrick
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
A plumbing system is very much like your electrical system, except that instead of electricity, it has water, and instead of wires, it has pipes, and instead of radios and waffle irons, it has faucets and toilets. So the truth is that your plumbing systems is nothing at all like your electrical system, which is good, because electricity can kill you.
-- Dave Barry
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Monday, July 31, 2006
Quote of the Day
You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, July 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
All things dull and ugly, all creatures short and squat;
All things rude and nasty, the Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons, each little wasp that stings;
He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous, all evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous, the Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet, each beastly little squid.
Who made the spiky urchin? Who made the shark? He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous, all pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all. Amen.
-- Monty Python
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
-- Douglas Adams
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Quote of the Day
The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Monday, July 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...
-- Thomas Jefferson
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Week in Review
Quote of the Day
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
-- Emo Philips
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Quote of the Day
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein
Friday, July 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
Creationist critics often charge that evolution cannot be tested, and therefore cannot be viewed as a properly scientific subject at all. This claim is rhetorical nonsense.
-- Stephen Jay Gould, Dinosaur in a Haystack
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which piles up first!
-- Crow T. Robot
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
Alone! I'm alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
-- Albert Einstein
Friday, July 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as science collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invoke miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history into the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that all fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion, misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize the ideas of their opponents.
-- Stephen Jay Gould ("The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186)
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Quote of the Day
Blasphemy is an epithet bestowed by superstition upon common sense.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Monday, July 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.
-- David Brin
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Quote of the Day
No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as an indication-applied occurrence.
-- ALGOL 68 Report
Friday, July 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
-- Ian Faith
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Quote of the Day
For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Quote of the Day
You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
Monday, July 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
Whether they find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
Friday, June 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.
-- Dr. Evil
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
-- Randal Graves
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
Once again, your stupidity has killed us!
-- Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Diego Garcia Marquez
Monday, June 26, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Quote of the Day
A lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math. That's why I like them. If we could find a way to tax people who are bad at English, science and history I'd be a happy camper.
-- Dana Blankenhorn
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
Ned... have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
-- Reverend Timothy Lovejoy
Friday, June 23, 2006
Quote of the Day
I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up.
-- Bob Uecker
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Quote of the Day
Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.
-- Albert Einstein
Monday, June 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
It has become almost a cliche to remark that nobody boasts of ignorance of literature, but it is socially acceptable to boast ignorance of science.
-- Richard Dawkins
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Quote of the Day
There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
Hot on the heels of its magnanimous pardoning of Galileo, the Vatican has now moved with even more lightning speed to recognise the truth of Darwinism.
-- Richard Dawkins
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
-- George Carlin
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.
-- I. F. Stone
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Office Slang
404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, '404 Not Found,' which means the document requested couldn't be located. 'Don't bother asking John. He's 404.'
Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. 'I dunno, ask Rick. He's our alpha geek.'
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in 'she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling'
Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in 'Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market'
Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. 'Damn, I just blew my buffer!' (Synonym: 'Head Crash')
Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference. 'After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.'
Brain Fart - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; a burst of useful information. 'I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?' Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Chip Jewelry - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decoration. 'I paid three grand for that Mac and now it's nothing but chip jewelry.'
Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. 'First we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.'
CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. 'Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.'
Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes.
Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. 'I just wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!'
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.....
Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.
Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is Dilbert, the comic strip character. 'Damn, I've been dilberted again! The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.'
Dorito Syndrome - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. 'I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.'
Egosurfing - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one's own name.
Elvis Year - The peak year of popularity as in '1993 was Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year'
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
Generica - Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in 'we were so lost in generica that I couldn't remember what city it was'
Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. 'Didn't he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?'
Going Postal - Totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees who went on shooting rampages
GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established.
Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). 'That CAD rendering put me in graybar land for like an hour.'
High Dome - Egghead, scientist, PhD
Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running.
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
It's a Feature - From the old adage, 'It's not a bug, it's a feature.' Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some people's computer keyboards.
Link Rot - The process by which web page's links become obsolete as the sites they're connected to change or die.
Meatspace - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also 'carbon community' 'facetime' 'F2F' 'RL'
Mouse Potato - The online generation's answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize you've just made a terrible error.
Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perot - To quit unexpectedly. 'My cellular phone just perot'ed.'
Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't require training. 'That new guy is totally plug-and-play.'
Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what's going on.
Ribs 'N' Dick - A budget with no fat as in 'we've got ribs 'n' dick and we're supposed to find 20K for memory upgrades'
Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. 'God, today was a total salmon day!'
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.
Siliwood - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and computers; also 'Hollywired'
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. 'Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage'
Square-Headed Spouse - Computer
Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. 'Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?'
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy - A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.
Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been used so much its magnetic strip is worn away.
Tourists - Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from their jobs. 'There were only three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.'
Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, 'this is Dale, my...um...friend.'
Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. 'Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest.'
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment.
Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.
World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.
Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM.
Quote of the Day
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, June 12, 2006
Quote of the Day
Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.
-- Kent Brockman
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
That chill, my young non-friend, is probably the cold breath of the reaper breathing down your neck.
-- Captain Hazel 'Hank' Murphy
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
Friday, June 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending.
-- Bender Unit 22
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Quote of the Day
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
To be a persecuted genius, you not only have to be persecuted, you also have to be right.
-- Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Monday, June 05, 2006
Quote of the Day
If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
-- Robert X. Cringeley
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Quote of the Day
Science offers us an explanation of how complexity (the difficult) arose out of simplicity (the easy). The hypothesis of God offers no worthwhile explanation for anything, for it simply postulates what we are trying to explain.
-- Richard Dawkins
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm not impressed by what college your kid is going to. George Bush went to Yale. The End.
-- Bill Maher
Friday, June 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-- Albert Einstein
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.
-- The Sphinx
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Quote of the Day
The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
-- Harlan Ellison
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.
-- Clarence Darrow
Monday, May 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.
-- George Orwell
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
-- Steven Wright
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
-- Peter Ustinov
Friday, May 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
-- Stephen Wright
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Quote of the Day
The intelligent beings in these regions should therefore not be surprised if they observe that their locality in the universe satisfies the conditions that are necessary for their existence. It is a bit like a rich person living in a wealthy neighborhood not seeing any poverty.
-- Stephen Hawking
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Quote of the Day
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, May 22, 2006
Quote of the Day
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
-- Rita Rudner
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
-- Emo Philips
Friday, May 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion.... Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but not, as yet, quite intelligent enough.
-- Aldous Huxley
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Quote of the Day
Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.
-- Harlan Ellison
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
-- Randal Graves
Monday, May 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.
-- Gore Vidal
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
I have something to say to the religionist who feels atheists never say anything positive: You are an intelligent human being. Your life is valuable for its own sake. You are not second-class in the universe, deriving meaning and purpose from some other mind. You are not inherently evil--you are inherently human, possessing the positive rational potential to help make this a world of morality, peace and joy. Trust yourself.
-- Dan Barker, Losing Faith in Faith
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