The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Quote of the Day
Monday, October 30, 2006
Quote of the Day
Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Quote of the Day
I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Quote of the Day
In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning.
-- George Orwell
Week in Review
Friday, October 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights -- or very early mornings -- when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour ... booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which turnoff to take when I got to the other end ... but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Quote of the Day
This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Quote of the Day
Hello. We're the ones who control your lives. We make the decisions that affect all of you. Isn't it interesting to know that those who run your lives would have the nerve to tell you about it in this manner? Suffer, you fools. We know everything you do, and we know where you go. What do you think the cameras are for? And the global-positioning satellites? And the Social Security numbers? You belong to us. And it can't be changed. Sign your petitions, walk your picket lines, bring your lawsuits, cast your votes, and write those stupid letters to whomever you please; you won't change a thing. Because we control your lives. And we have plans for you. Go back to sleep.
-- George Carlin
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Quote of the Day
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
Monday, October 23, 2006
Quote of the Day
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Quote of the Day
The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Week in Review
Friday, October 20, 2006
Quote of the Day
The priests used to say that faith can move mountains, and nobody believed them. Today the scientists say that they can level mountains, and nobody doubts them.
-- Joseph Campbell
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Quote of the Day
Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, October 16, 2006
Quote of the Day
It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Quote of the Day
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there.
-- Frank Zappa
Friday, October 13, 2006
Quote of the Day
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Quote of the Day
When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foes with a balanced attack.
-- The Sphinx
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Quote of the Day
In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!
-- Orson Welles
Monday, October 09, 2006
Quote of the Day
Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.
-- Richard Dawkins
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Quote of the Day
No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Quote of the Day
Uh, so. Let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find that we have very little in common.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Week in Review
Friday, October 06, 2006
Quote of the Day
Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot;
Or he can, but does not want to;
Or he cannot and does not want to.
If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent.
If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked.
But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil,
Then how come evil in the world?
-- Epicurus
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Quote of the Day
I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
-- Max Bialystock
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Quote of the Day
Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-- H.L. Mencken
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Quote of the Day
It was the greatest night of my life. I'd been invited to the Captain's Table. I'd only been with the company fourteen years. Six officers and me! They called me "Arnold." We had gazpacho soup for starters. I didn't know gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and I told him to take it away and bring it back hot. He did. The looks on their faces still haunt me today! I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time, they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup. I never ate at the Captain's Table again. That was the end of my career.
-- Arnold Judas Rimmer
Monday, October 02, 2006
Quote of the Day
Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which piles up first!
-- Crow T. Robot
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Quote of the Day
Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
-- Martin Mull
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