Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
-- Peter Ustinov
Monday, December 31, 2007
Quote of the Day
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Quote of the Day
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry
Week in Review
Friday, December 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Quote of the Day
All I wanted was to make the world a better place... and to make an assload of money.
-- Jodene Sparks
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Quote of the Day
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Quote of the Day
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal
Week in Review
Friday, December 21, 2007
Quote of the Day
You see, boy? The real money's in bootlegging! Not in your childish vandalism.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Quote of the Day
We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Quote of the Day
A lot of the stuff I do is so minimal, and it's designed to be minimal. The smallness of it is what's attractive. It's weird, 'cause it's so intellectually lame. It's hard to see me doing that for the rest of my life. But at the same time, it's what I do best.
-- Chris Elliot, writer and performer on Late Night with David Letterman
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Quote of the Day
This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Monday, December 17, 2007
Quote of the Day
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll go build my own lunar lander. With blackjack. And hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.
-- Bender Unit 22
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Quote of the Day
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
Friday, December 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
-- Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities.
-- Theodore Seuss Geisel
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Quote of the Day
The Bible has been interpreted to justify such evil practices as, for example, slavery, the slaughter of prisoners of war, the sadistic murders of women believed to be witches, capital punishment for hundreds of offenses, polygamy, and cruelty to animals. It has been used to encourage belief in the grossest superstition and to discourage the free teaching of scientific truths. We must never forget that both good and evil flow from the Bible. It is therefore not above criticism.
-- Steve Allen
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.
-- Voltaire
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Quote of the Day
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
-- Isaac Asimov
Week in Review
Friday, December 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
And, Lord, we're especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is, except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Quote of the Day
Jazz is a mental attitude rather than a style. It uses a certain process of the mind expressed spontaneously through some musical instrument. I'm concerned with retaining that process.
-- Bill Evans
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Quote of the Day
Jazz does not belong to one race or culture, but is a gift that America has given the world.
-- Ahmad Alaadeen
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Quote of the Day
When people learn no tools of judgment and merely follow their hopes, the seeds of political manipulation are sown.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Week in Review
Friday, November 30, 2007
Quote of the Day
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Quote of the Day
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
-- Terry Pratchett
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
The intelligent beings in these regions should therefore not be surprised if they observe that their locality in the universe satisfies the conditions that are necessary for their existence. It is a bit like a rich person living in a wealthy neighborhood not seeing any poverty.
-- Stephen Hawking
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Quote of the Day
As great scientists have said and as all children know, it is above all by the imagination that we achieve perception, and compassion, and hope.
-- Ursula K. Le Guin
Monday, November 26, 2007
Quote of the Day
What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be broken down into subjects and predicates. This is not because Quality is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
-- R. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Quote of the Day
I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd say, "Well, that was easy." Good joke, huh.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Week in Review
Friday, November 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
The National Rifle Association says, 'Gun's don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
-- Eddie Izzard
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
You will find men like him in all of the world's religions. They know that we represent reason and science, and, however confident they may be in their beliefs, they fear that we will overthrow their gods. Not necessarily through any deliberate act, but in a subtler fashion. Science can destroy a religion by ignoring it as well as by disproving its tenets. No one ever demonstrated, so far as I am aware, the nonexistance of Zeus or Thor, but they have few followers now.
-- Arthur C. Clarke, Childhood's End
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Quote of the Day
Oh Lord, please don't burn us
Don't grill or toast your flock
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock
Don't braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok
Oh please don't lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat
Don't fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat
And please don't stick thy servants Lord
In a Rotiss-o-mat.
-- Chaplain, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Quote of the Day
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman -- stuff you pay good money for in later life.
-- Emo Philips
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Quote of the Day
I think that in philosophical strictness at the level where one doubts the existence of material objects and holds that the world may have existed for only five minutes, I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptic orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.
-- Bertrand Russell
Week in Review
Friday, November 16, 2007
Quote of the Day
I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
-- Stephen Wright
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
Perhaps it is a peculiarity of mine that despite the fact that I am a professional performer, it is true that I have always preferred playing without an audience.
-- Bill Evans
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Quote of the Day
Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed -- but a woman is always a woman.
-- James T. Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9
Monday, November 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
It had never occurred to me before that music and thinking are so much alike. In fact you could say music is another way of thinking, or maybe thinking is another kind of music.
-- Ursula K. Le Guin
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Quote of the Day
There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
-- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
Week in Review
Friday, November 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
I look into the mirror
I see no happiness
All the warmth I gave you
Has turned to emptiness
The love we had has fallen
The love we used to share
You've left me here believing
In love that wasn't there
-- Yes
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Quote of the Day
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
-- Stephen Wright
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
-- Dave Barry
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Quote of the Day
Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
-- Douglas Adams
Monday, November 05, 2007
Quote of the Day
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
-- George Carlin
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Quote of the Day
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.
-- Dave Barry
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Quote of the Day
And then I was confronted with N'Sync, Aerosmith and Britney Spears to*gether*. The trifecta from *Hell*.
-- Lewis Black
Week in Review
Friday, November 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.
-- Bertrand Russell
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Quote of the Day
Oh sweet information superhighway, what bring you me from the depths of cyberspace?
-- Crow T. Robot
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Quote of the Day
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
-- Douglas Adams
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
I like a cold because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What do the rest of you use? Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother? Non-narcotic sissy pansy bullshit! NyQuil's the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package, '180 Proof.' It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday! When I got a cold, I want something that's gonna fuck me up! Cause that way the blur seems interesting... NyQuil comes in two colors, red and green. It's the only thing on the planet that tastes like...red and green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That's right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog. Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, 'This tastes like shit!' But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.
-- Lewis Black
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Quote of the Day
In my land, women are for advancing the race, not for fighting man's battles.
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Week in Review
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Quote of the Day
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
-- HP Lovecraft
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
-- Bertrand Russell
Monday, October 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
-- Groucho Marx
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Quote of the Day
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Quote of the Day
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, October 19, 2007
Quote of the Day
His power lies apparently in his ability to choose incompetent enemies.
-- Crow T. Robot
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Quote of the Day
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Quote of the Day
I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
-- Samuel Johnson
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Quote of the Day
Religious people split into three main groups when faced with science. I shall label them the "know-nothings", the "know-alls", and the "no-contests"
-- Richard Dawkins
Monday, October 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
The sciences do not try to explain, they hardly even try to interpret, they mainly make models. By a model is meant a mathematical construct which, with the addition of certain verbal interpretations, describes observed phenomena. The justification of such a mathematical construct is solely and precisely that it is expected to work.
-- Johann Von Neumann
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
Once again, your stupidity has killed us!
-- Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Diego Garcia Marquez
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Quote of the Day
This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasnt the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
-- Douglas Adams
Friday, October 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Quote of the Day
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
-- Terry Pratchett
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
In the event of an emergency, my ass can be used as a flotation device.
-- Bender Unit 22
Monday, October 08, 2007
Quote of the Day
You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
In Washington, only two kinds of religion are tolerated: vague beliefs strongly affirmed and strong beliefs vaguely expressed.
-- Eugene McCarthy
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Quote of the Day
Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-- H.L. Mencken
Friday, October 05, 2007
Quote of the Day
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Quote of the Day
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Quote of the Day
I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
The problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves and wiser people so full of doubts.
-- Bertrand Russell
Monday, October 01, 2007
Quote of the Day
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
-- Dave Barry
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Quote of the Day
I don't know why, but first C programs tend to look a lot worse than first programs in any other language (maybe except for fortran, but then I suspect all fortran programs look like "firsts")
-- Olaf Kirch
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Week in Review
Friday, September 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Quote of the Day
The creed whose legitimacy is most easily challenged is likely to develop the strongest proselytizing impulse. It is doubtful whether a movement which does not profess some preposterous and patently irrational dogma can be possessed of that zealous drive which "must either win men or destroy the world." It is also plausible that those movements with the greatest inner contradiction between profession and practice-that is to say with a strong feeling of guilt-are likely to be the most fervent in imposing their faith on others.
-- Eric Hoffer, The True Believer, 1951, section 88
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Quote of the Day
I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another where the best fruit is.
-- Terry Pratchett
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
-- Ian Faith
Week in Review
Friday, September 21, 2007
Quote of the Day
Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving.
-- Penn Jillette
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Quote of the Day
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Quote of the Day
Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race.
-- Albert Einstein
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Quote of the Day
If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Quote of the Day
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
-- Philippus Paracelsus
Week in Review
Friday, September 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
-- Aldous Huxley
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Quote of the Day
We owe it to ourselves as respectable human beings, as thinking human beings, to do what we can to make humanity more rational...Humanists recognize that it is only when people feel free to think for themselves, using reason as their guide, that they are best capable of developing values that succeed in satisfying human needs and serving human interests.
-- Isaac Asimov
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.
-- Austin Powers
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Quote of the Day
Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending.
-- Bender Unit 22
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
Philosophers say a great deal about what is absolutely necessary for science, and it is always, so far as one can see, rather naive, and probably wrong.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Quote of the Day
I've heard 'em all. "I like you as a friend." "I think we should see other people." "I no speak English." "I'm married to the sea." "I don't want to kill you, but I will ..."
-- Homer J. Simpson
Week in Review
Friday, September 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
It may be that the old astrologers had the truth exactly reversed, when they believed that the stars controlled the destinies of men. The time may come when men control the destinies of stars.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Quote of the Day
I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Quote of the Day
The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Quote of the Day
Hot on the heels of its magnanimous pardoning of Galileo, the Vatican has now moved with even more lightning speed to recognise the truth of Darwinism.
-- Richard Dawkins
Monday, September 03, 2007
Quote of the Day
Don't talk to me about the post-modern age. We're not even in the modern age yet for Christ's sake. There are still 150 million people in America who believe in Genesis.
-- Simon Critchley
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-- Rita Rudner
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Quote of the Day
Thank God for Savage and Scarborough. Without them, who, besides Rush, OReilly, Buchanan, Novak, Kristol, Roger Ailes, Hannity, Barnes, Hume, Will, the Wall Street Journal, The Washington Times, The New York Post, the Weekly Standard, American Spectator, The New York Sun, all of Fox, most of MSNBC cable, much of CNN, ABC, National Review, Drudge, Andy, Ann Coulter, Bernard Goldberg, etc, etc, would have the guts to take on The liberal media?
-- Eric Alterman
Friday, August 31, 2007
Quote of the Day
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Quote of the Day
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Quote of the Day
I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the lightbulb.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, August 27, 2007
Quote of the Day
Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
-- Red Forman
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Quote of the Day
Don't give me any of that Star Trek crap. It's too early in the morning.
-- Dave Lister
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Quote of the Day
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, in not what I call hospitality.
-- Jack Handey
Friday, August 24, 2007
Quote of the Day
The startling truth finally became apparent, and it was this: Numbers written on restaurant checks do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single statement took the scientific world by storm. So many mathematical conferences got held in such good restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and heart failure, and the science of mathematics was put back by years.
-- Douglas Adams
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
Science has 'explained' nothing; the more we know the more fantastic the world becomes and the profounder the surrounding darkness.
-- Aldous Huxley
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
Isn't pomo really one big cover-up for for the failure of the French to write a truly interesting novel ever since a sports car ate Albert Camus?
-- John Leonard
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Quote of the Day
Well I don't have anything else planned for today, let's get drunk!
-- Bender Unit 22
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Quote of the Day
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Quote of the Day
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
-- Paula Poundstone
Friday, August 17, 2007
Quote of the Day
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
-- Siddhartha Gautama
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
As the one guy said to the other guy when he was getting fed up, "I'm getting fed up."
-- Vyvyan Basterd
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
-- Stephen Wright
Monday, August 13, 2007
Quote of the Day
Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
-- Harlan Ellison
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
A house is where you put your stuff when you're out buying other stuff.
-- George Carlin
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Quote of the Day
Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have orgasms? The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime.
-- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"
Friday, August 10, 2007
Quote of the Day
A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
-- James Joyce (Ulysses)
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Quote of the Day
He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
-- Mark Twain
Monday, August 06, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Quote of the Day
Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.
-- Bender Unit 22
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Quote of the Day
When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.
-- Jack Handey
Friday, August 03, 2007
Quote of the Day
Science offers us an explanation of how complexity (the difficult) arose out of simplicity (the easy). The hypothesis of God offers no worthwhile explanation for anything, for it simply postulates what we are trying to explain.
-- Richard Dawkins
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Quote of the Day
I figure that if God actually does exist, He's big enough to understand an honest difference of opinion.
-- Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Quote of the Day
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
-- Charles Mingus
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.
-- Marcus Cole (Babylon 5)
Friday, July 27, 2007
Quote of the Day
...Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious mistakes. Postjudice is not terrible. You can't be perfect of course; you may make mistakes also. But it is permissible to make a judgment after you have examined the evidence. In some circles it is even encouraged.
-- Carl Sagan, "The Burden of Skepticism," Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. 12, pg. 46
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Quote of the Day
... C++ offers even more flexible control over the visibility of member objects and member functions. Specifically, members may be placed in the public, private, or protected parts of a class. Members declared in the public parts are visible to all clients; members declared in the private parts are fully encapsulated; and members declared in the protected parts are visible only to the class itself and its subclasses. C++ also supports the notion of *friends*: cooperative classes that are permitted to see each other's private parts.
-- Grady Booch, "Object Oriented Design with Applications"
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Quote of the Day
It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case, there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments and whose example will irretrievably corrupt you.
Let's say you've fallen in love with just such a girl and would like to take her home for the holidays. You are aware of your parents' xenophobic response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock?
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983
Monday, July 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
Almost anything derogatory you could say about today's software design would be accurate.
-- K.E. Iverson
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Quote of the Day
We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity - so UP yours!
-- Adapted from Pat Paulsen by Joe Sloan
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Quote of the Day
My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Quote of the Day
A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation.
-- Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Quote of the Day
The feeling persists that no one can simultaneously be a respectable writer and understand how a refrigerator works, just as no gentleman wears a brown suit in the city. Colleges may be to blame. English majors are encouraged, I know, to hate chemistry and physics, and to be proud because they are not dull and creepy and humorless and war-oriented like the engineers across the quad. And our most impressive critics have commonly been such English majors, and they are squeamish about technology to this very day. So it is natural for them to despise science fiction.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "Science Fiction"
Monday, July 16, 2007
Quote of the Day
... of course, this probably only happens for tcsh which uses wait4(), which is why I never saw it. Serves people who use that abomination right 8^)
-- Linus Torvalds, about a patch that fixes getrusage for 1.3.26
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
-- Frank Zappa
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Quote of the Day
I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
-- Isaac Asimov
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.
-- Eugene McCarthy
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Quote of the Day
It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
-- Philip J. Fry
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Quote of the Day
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
-- Terry Pratchett (The Truth)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Quote of the Day
There are two essential rules of management. One: the customer is always right. Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.
-- Dogbert
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time.
-- Honore de Balzac
Friday, July 06, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Quote of the Day
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
-- Doug Larson
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Quote of the Day
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
-- Groucho Marx
Monday, July 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Quote of the Day
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Quote of the Day
Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions.
-- Benjamin Spock
Friday, June 29, 2007
Quote of the Day
Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Quote of the Day
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, June 25, 2007
Quote of the Day
You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Quote of the Day
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
-- Albert Einstein
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Quote of the Day
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham, his last words
Friday, June 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Quote of the Day
I suspect that today if you asked people to justify their belief in God, the dominant reason would be scientific. Most people, I believe, think that you need a God to explain the existence of the world, and especially the existence of life. They are wrong, but our education system is such that many people don't know it.
-- Richard Dawkins
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Quote of the Day
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
-- Groucho Marx
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Quote of the Day
Another war ... must it always be so? How many comrades have we lost in this way? ... Obedience. Duty. Death, and more death ...
-- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
Monday, June 18, 2007
Quote of the Day
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Quote of the Day
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
Friday, June 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name.
-- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Quote of the Day
Probably the most difficult thing in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. Other than that, it's been a good day.
-- Emo Philips
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Quote of the Day
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
-- Albert Einstein
Monday, June 11, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Quote of the Day
I think that in philosophical strictness at the level where one doubts the existence of material objects and holds that the world may have existed for only five minutes, I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptic orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.
-- Bertrand Russell
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Quote of the Day
I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
-- Samuel Johnson
Week in Review
Friday, June 08, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Quote of the Day
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Quote of the Day
All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
Quote of the Day
He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-- Rudyard Kipling
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Quote of the Day
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
-- Aldous Huxley
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Quote of the Day
The Religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friday, June 01, 2007
Quote of the Day
I can't believe Liberace was gay! Women loved him! I didn't see that one coming.
-- Austin Powers
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Quote of the Day
The truth is that Christian theology, like every other theology, is not only opposed to the scientific spirit; it is also opposed to all other attempts at rational thinking. Not by accident does Genesis 3 make the father of knowledge a serpent -- slimy, sneaking and abominable. Since the earliest days the church as an organization has thrown itself violently against every effort to liberate the body and mind of man. It has been, at all times and everywhere, the habitual and incorrigible defender of bad governments, bad laws, bad social theories, bad institutions. It was, for centuries, an apologist for slavery, as it was the apologist for the divine right of kings.
-- H.L. Mencken
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Quote of the Day
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Quote of the Day
Sen. Danforth: There is nothing on the face of the album which would notify you if the record has pornographics material or material glorifying violence?
Tipper Gore: No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me.
Frank Zappa: I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's legs on the album cover is good indication that it's not for little Johnny.
-- The Senate Commerce Committee hearing on rock lyrics, from The Village Voice, 6 Oct 1985
Monday, May 28, 2007
Quote of the Day
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
-- Emo Philips
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
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