Non Illegitimus Carborundum.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
A Democratic victory would not change the world, but it would at least slow the berserk white-trash momentum of the bombs-and-Jesus crowd. Those people have had their way long enough. Not even the Book of Revelations threatens a plague of vengeful yahoos.
-- Hunter Thompson
Monday, December 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
You can't crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them.
-- Ursula K. Le Guin
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why: it is going to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out your mind. In general this drug will make you just like your mother and father.
-- Frank Zappa
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, December 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate government action.
-- Bertrand Russell
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
A vital difference between the professional man and a man of business is that money making to the professional man should, by virtue of his assumption, be incidental; to the business man it is primary. Money has its limitations; while it may buy quantity, there is something beyond it and that is quality.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
-- Mark Twain
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx
Friday, December 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
...it bugs me when people try to analyze jazz as an intellectual theorem. It's not. It's feeling.
-- Bill Evans
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
If you doubt that it is stinky personality that is the driving force behind conservative politics, look back to your pre political youth. A dollar to a doughnut everyone of those childhood friends and acquaintances who was an asshole then is a conservative today.
-- Rack Jite
Monday, December 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
...Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious mistakes. Postjudice is not terrible. You can't be perfect of course; you may make mistakes also. But it is permissible to make a judgment after you have examined the evidence. In some circles it is even encouraged.
-- Carl Sagan, "The Burden of Skepticism," Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. 12, pg. 46
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
-- Douglas Adams
Friday, December 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
The world and the universe is an extremely beautiful place, and the more we understand about it the more beautiful does it appear.
-- Richard Dawkins
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedness.
-- Terry Pratchett (The Light Fantastic)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
A house is where you put your stuff when you're out buying other stuff.
-- George Carlin
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.
-- Hillel the Elder
Friday, December 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
-- Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities.
-- Theodore Seuss Geisel
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
It was amazing, this mystic business. You tell them a lie, and then when you don't need it anymore you tell them another lie and tell them they're progressing along the road to wisdom. Then instead of laughing they follow you even more, hoping that at the heart of all the lies they'll find the truth. And bit by bit they accept the unacceptable. Amazing.
-- Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)
Monday, December 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
-- Dave Barry
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.
-- Mick Shrimpton
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
-- Stephen Wright
Friday, November 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
The general root of superstition is that men observe when things hit, and not when they miss, and commit to memory the one, and pass over the other.
-- Sir Francis Bacon
Monday, November 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
-- W. C. Fields
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Week in Review
Friday, November 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
Monday, November 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.
-- Sinclair Lewis
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Week in Review
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
-- Isaac Asimov
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Monday, November 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
When people learn no tools of judgment and merely follow their hopes, the seeds of political manipulation are sown.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
Ned... have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
-- Reverend Timothy Lovejoy
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
Forget your stupid theme park! I'm gonna make my own! With hookers! And blackjack! In fact, forget the theme park!
-- Bender Unit 22
Week in Review
Friday, November 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
Dear Mr. President: There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
-- Abraham Simpson
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
-- Albert Einstein
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you.
-- David St. Hubbins
Monday, November 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.
-- H.L. Mencken
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
The night of December 25, to which date the Nativity of Christ was ultimately assigned, was exactly that of the birth of the Persian savior Mithra, who, as an incarnation of eternal light, was born the night of the winter solstice (then dated December 25) at midnight, the instant of the turn of the year from increasing darkness to light.
-- Joseph Campbell, The Mythic Image
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
-- Terry Pratchett
Week in Review
Friday, October 31, 2008
Quote of the Day
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
The Bible has been interpreted to justify such evil practices as, for example, slavery, the slaughter of prisoners of war, the sadistic murders of women believed to be witches, capital punishment for hundreds of offenses, polygamy, and cruelty to animals. It has been used to encourage belief in the grossest superstition and to discourage the free teaching of scientific truths. We must never forget that both good and evil flow from the Bible. It is therefore not above criticism.
-- Steve Allen
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Goddammit! The world is just filling up with more and more idiots! And the computer is giving them access to the world! They're spreading their stupidity! At least they were contained before--now they're on the loose everywhere!
-- Harlan Ellison
Monday, October 27, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
-- Captain Ahab, Moby Dick
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case, there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments and whose example will irretrievably corrupt you.
Let's say you've fallen in love with just such a girl and would like to take her home for the holidays. You are aware of your parents' xenophobic response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock?
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983
Week in Review
Friday, October 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, during which it just remains 7 a.m. This way we could all wake up via a civilized gradual process of stretching and belching and scratching, and it would still be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed.
-- Dave Barry
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
Why don't you listen to something really classical like Mozart, Mendelsohn or Motorhead?
-- Arnold Judas Rimmer
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
-- Mark Twain
Monday, October 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
-- Erma Bombeck
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-- Dorothy Parker
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
Linux supports the notion of a command line or a shell for the same reason that only children read books with only pictures in them. Language, be it English or something else, is the only tool flexible enough to accomplish a sufficiently broad range of tasks.
-- Bill Garrett
Week in Review
Friday, October 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst.
-- Thomas Paine
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and Eskimos!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot, irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it.
-- Jacob Bronowski
Monday, October 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Week in Review
Friday, October 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-- Richard Dawkins
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we have tolerated the last eight years?
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
"What shall we do?" said Twoflower.
"Panic?" said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival; back in the olden days, his theory went, people faced with hungry sabretoothed tigers could be divided very simply into those who panicked and those who stood there saying "What a magnificent brute!" and "Here, pussy."
-- Terry Pratchett (The Light Fantastic)
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed -- but a woman is always a woman.
-- James T. Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9
Monday, October 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.
-- Marcus Procius Cato
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
Friday, October 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Monday, September 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
-- Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regiment)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there.
-- Paula Trent (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy --- something like that.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
When a nice clean brain tumbles into the dirty street to lay among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gum wads of wickedness, you can't just pick it up and wash it off with soap and water; you have to think it clean from the inside out!
-- The Tick
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails dangers that must not be underestimated. Practitioners must take into account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being. The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience.
-- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
Monday, September 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
Hollywood is a gold-plated suburb suitable for golfers, gardeners, assorted middlemen, and contented movies stars. I am none of these things.
-- Orson Welles
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.
-- Emo Philips
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong.
-- Johann Von Neumann
Week in Review
Friday, September 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
-- Neil Gaiman
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
As the one guy said to the other guy when he was getting fed up, "I'm getting fed up."
-- Vyvyan Basterd
Monday, September 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
Bring me a creationist who doesn't lie, deceive, distort and distract then I will show you a whole lot of thin air!
-- Clayton Forno
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
No! No! NO! We're not watching the bloody Good Life! Bloody bloody bloody! I hate it! It's so bloody nice! Felicity "Treacle" Kendall and Richard "Sugar-Flavored-Snot" Briars! What do they do now? Chocolate bloody Button ads, that's what! They're just a couple of reactionary stereotypes, confirming the myth that everyone in Britain is a lovable, middle-class eccentric - and I - HATE - THEM!
-- Vyvyan Basterd
Friday, September 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
-- George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
I think the best indication that there is no God is that Stevie Ray Vaughan got killed and Celine Dion reproduced.
-- Kevin Enns (SKEPTIC Mailing List)
Monday, September 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.
-- Professor Frink
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, September 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverance can you have for a Supreme being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was going through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the ability to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain....
Who created the dangers? Oh, He was really being charitable to us when He gave us pain! Why couldn't He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of His celestial choirs? Or a system of red and blue neon tubes right in the middle of each person's forehead?....
They certainly look beautiful now, writhing in agony or stupified with morphine, don't they? What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. It's obvious He never met a payroll. Why,no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!
-- Yossarian (Catch-22, Joseph Heller)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
I think that in philosophical strictness at the level where one doubts the existence of material objects and holds that the world may have existed for only five minutes, I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptic orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.
-- Bertrand Russell
Friday, August 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
-- Groucho Marx
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.
-- Dave Barry
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
Church, cult. Cult, church. Big deal! So we get bored somewhere else every Sunday!
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
The sciences do not try to explain, they hardly even try to interpret, they mainly make models. By a model is meant a mathematical construct which, with the addition of certain verbal interpretations, describes observed phenomena. The justification of such a mathematical construct is solely and precisely that it is expected to work.
-- Johann Von Neumann
Monday, August 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
-- Alexander Pope
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as an indication-applied occurrence.
-- ALGOL 68 Report
Week in Review
Friday, August 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
-- Douglas Adams
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
Uh, so. Let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find that we have very little in common.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name.
-- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the latter only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit: and its methods differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman's cut and thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club.
-- Thomas H. Huxley
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.
-- Berkeley Breathed
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, August 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards.
-- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
We're talking about whether any independent contractors working on the uncompleted death star were innocent victims when the rebels destroyed it.
-- Dante Hicks
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
-- Douglas Adams
Monday, August 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now.
-- Stephen Wright
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, August 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
-- Dave Barry
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
-- Harlan Ellison
Monday, July 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
-- Aldous Huxley
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
-- Jack Handey
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
Don't give me any of that Star Trek crap. It's too early in the morning.
-- Dave Lister
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.
-- Bertrand Russell
Monday, July 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
-- Stephen Wright
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
Claude believed that only smart attractive people had the right to fuck, and it sincerely hurt him when he discovered evidence to the contrary.
-- Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Friday, July 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
The concept of the rock-guitar solo in the eightees has pretty much been reduced to: Weedly-weedly-wee, make a face, hold your guitar like it's your weenie, point it heavenward, and look like you're really doing something. Then, you geta big ovation while the the smoke bombs go off, and the motorized lights in your truss twirl around.
-- Frank Zappa
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
We don't know who they are or where they come from, but we do know that they stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, I heard they said you guys look like dorks.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
-- Sir Thomas Beecham
Week in Review
Friday, July 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
The problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves and wiser people so full of doubts.
-- Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Monday, July 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
-- Rita Rudner
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright
Week in Review
Friday, July 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.
-- Albert Camus
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
-- John Cage
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
Are you correcting me? Don't correct me! I'm a Pantera's box you do NOT want to open!
-- Mr. Furious
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
They do say, Mrs Miggins, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.
-- Edmund Blackadder, Esq. (Blackadder the Third)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
Religious people split into three main groups when faced with science. I shall label them the "know-nothings", the "know-alls", and the "no-contests"
-- Richard Dawkins
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Creationist critics often charge that evolution cannot be tested, and therefore cannot be viewed as a properly scientific subject at all. This claim is rhetorical nonsense.
-- Stephen Jay Gould, Dinosaur in a Haystack
Week in Review
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.
-- Terry Pratchett (Jingo)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
Sergeant Colon had had a broad education. He'd been to the School of My Dad Always Said, the College of It Stands to Reason, and was now a postgraduate student at the University of What Some Bloke In the Pub Told Me.
-- Terry Pratchett
Monday, June 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!
-- Max Bialystock
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
When you're part of a team, you stand up for your teammates. Your loyalty is to them. You protect them through good and bad, because they'd do the same for you.
-- Yogi Berra
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman
Week in Review
Friday, June 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
There are two essential rules of management. One: the customer is always right. Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.
-- Dogbert
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They don't know I'm only using blanks.
-- Emo Philips
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
-- Clifford C. Clavin Jr.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!
-- Orson Welles
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Week in Review
Friday, June 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
-- David Frost
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-- Randal Graves
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
-- Albert Einstein
Monday, June 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent observations and inferences by the thousands. The earth is billions of years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary descent. Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but do we brand people illiberal when they proclaim that the earth is neither flat nor at the center of the universe? Science *has* taught us some things with confidence! Evolution on an ancient earth is as well established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" -- into doubt.
-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
-- Dave Barry
Friday, June 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.
-- Sir Arthur Eddington
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
As long as people are still having premartial sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-- Austin Powers
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Quote of the Day
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
-- Dave Barry
Friday, May 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
The think tanks that incubated the Iraq war have lofty names like the Heritage Foundation and the Project for a New American Century. Whatever. They've been wrong so often, I'm surprised they're not my broker.
-- Bill Maher
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
No one has an idea really of where we should draw the line. What about the Bible? Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around. If you're looking for violent rape imagery, the Bible's right there in your hotel room. If you just want to look up ways to screw people up, there it is, and you're justified because God told you to. You have Shakespeare and you have Sophocles--what are we going to do, lose Oedipus Rex if someone pokes an eye out?
-- Penn Jillette, from Reason magazine, on censorship of violent TV shows
Monday, May 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde (The Portrait of Mr. W.H.)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
You can't fool me. It's soy juice. There's no such thing as soy milk, because there's no such thing as a soy tit.
-- Lewis Black
Friday, May 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!
-- Monty Python
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
-- Joseph Heller (God Knows)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie...
-- Dante Hicks
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
Hot on the heels of its magnanimous pardoning of Galileo, the Vatican has now moved with even more lightning speed to recognise the truth of Darwinism.
-- Richard Dawkins
Week in Review
Friday, May 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
-- H.L. Mencken
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
It's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.
-- Derek Smalls
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
I have something to say to the religionist who feels atheists never say anything positive: You are an intelligent human being. Your life is valuable for its own sake. You are not second-class in the universe, deriving meaning and purpose from some other mind. You are not inherently evil--you are inherently human, possessing the positive rational potential to help make this a world of morality, peace and joy. Trust yourself.
-- Dan Barker, Losing Faith in Faith
Monday, May 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
-- William S. Burroughs
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