I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
-- Isaac Asimov
Monday, March 31, 2008
Quote of the Day
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
The key to building a superstar is to keep their mouth shut. To reveal an artist to the people can be to destroy him. It isn't to anyone's advantage to see the truth.
-- Bob Ezrin, rock music producer
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
-- Stephen Wright
Week in Review
Friday, March 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!
-- Henry David Thoreau
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. 'Do this' 'Gimme that' 'I want a new car' 'I want a better job'. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But...what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn't in god's divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a divine plan. What's the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? 'Well it's god's will. God's will be done.' Fine, but if it gods will and he's going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?
-- George Carlin
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
-- Dave Barry
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
-- Albert Einstein
Monday, March 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
I woke up this morning with a bloody nose. I thought, "how did this get into bed with me?"
-- Emo Philips
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
-- Martin Mull
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Week in Review
Quote of the Day
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
-- Sir Thomas Beecham
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
-- Umberto Eco
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
When I meet a man I ask myself, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
-- Rita Rudner
Monday, March 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
We've got a blind date with Destiny -- and it looks like she's ordered the lobster.
-- The Shoveler
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much, of course - the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end.
-- Douglas Adams
Week in Review
Friday, March 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
-- Dave Barry
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.
-- Mark Twain
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
-- Douglas Adams
Week in Review
Friday, March 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot;
Or he can, but does not want to;
Or he cannot and does not want to.
If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent.
If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked.
But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil,
Then how come evil in the world?
-- Epicurus
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
O! Wanderers in the shadowed land
despair not! For though dark they stand,
all woods there be must end at last,
and see the open sun go past: the setting sun, the rising sun,
the day's end, or the day begun.
For east or west all woods must fail ...
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science.
-- Henri Poincare
Monday, March 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion.... Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but not, as yet, quite intelligent enough.
-- Aldous Huxley
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
Inspector Clay is dead! Murdered! And someone's responsible!
-- Detective (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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