If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
Monday, September 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
-- Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regiment)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there.
-- Paula Trent (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy --- something like that.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Quote of the Day
When a nice clean brain tumbles into the dirty street to lay among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gum wads of wickedness, you can't just pick it up and wash it off with soap and water; you have to think it clean from the inside out!
-- The Tick
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Quote of the Day
Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails dangers that must not be underestimated. Practitioners must take into account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being. The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience.
-- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
Monday, September 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
Hollywood is a gold-plated suburb suitable for golfers, gardeners, assorted middlemen, and contented movies stars. I am none of these things.
-- Orson Welles
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.
-- Emo Philips
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong.
-- Johann Von Neumann
Week in Review
Friday, September 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
-- Neil Gaiman
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
As the one guy said to the other guy when he was getting fed up, "I'm getting fed up."
-- Vyvyan Basterd
Monday, September 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
Bring me a creationist who doesn't lie, deceive, distort and distract then I will show you a whole lot of thin air!
-- Clayton Forno
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
No! No! NO! We're not watching the bloody Good Life! Bloody bloody bloody! I hate it! It's so bloody nice! Felicity "Treacle" Kendall and Richard "Sugar-Flavored-Snot" Briars! What do they do now? Chocolate bloody Button ads, that's what! They're just a couple of reactionary stereotypes, confirming the myth that everyone in Britain is a lovable, middle-class eccentric - and I - HATE - THEM!
-- Vyvyan Basterd
Friday, September 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
-- George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
I think the best indication that there is no God is that Stevie Ray Vaughan got killed and Celine Dion reproduced.
-- Kevin Enns (SKEPTIC Mailing List)
Monday, September 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.
-- Professor Frink
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, September 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverance can you have for a Supreme being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was going through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the ability to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain....
Who created the dangers? Oh, He was really being charitable to us when He gave us pain! Why couldn't He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of His celestial choirs? Or a system of red and blue neon tubes right in the middle of each person's forehead?....
They certainly look beautiful now, writhing in agony or stupified with morphine, don't they? What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. It's obvious He never met a payroll. Why,no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!
-- Yossarian (Catch-22, Joseph Heller)
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