Mmmm, sacrilicious.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Quote of the Day
I think that in philosophical strictness at the level where one doubts the existence of material objects and holds that the world may have existed for only five minutes, I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptic orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.
-- Bertrand Russell
Friday, August 29, 2008
Quote of the Day
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
-- Groucho Marx
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Quote of the Day
The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.
-- Dave Barry
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Quote of the Day
Church, cult. Cult, church. Big deal! So we get bored somewhere else every Sunday!
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Quote of the Day
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Quote of the Day
The sciences do not try to explain, they hardly even try to interpret, they mainly make models. By a model is meant a mathematical construct which, with the addition of certain verbal interpretations, describes observed phenomena. The justification of such a mathematical construct is solely and precisely that it is expected to work.
-- Johann Von Neumann
Monday, August 18, 2008
Quote of the Day
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
-- Alexander Pope
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Quote of the Day
I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Quote of the Day
No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as an indication-applied occurrence.
-- ALGOL 68 Report
Week in Review
Friday, August 15, 2008
Quote of the Day
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
-- Douglas Adams
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Quote of the Day
Uh, so. Let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find that we have very little in common.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Quote of the Day
As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name.
-- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Quote of the Day
Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the latter only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit: and its methods differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman's cut and thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club.
-- Thomas H. Huxley
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Quote of the Day
I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.
-- Berkeley Breathed
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, August 08, 2008
Quote of the Day
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards.
-- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Quote of the Day
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Quote of the Day
We're talking about whether any independent contractors working on the uncompleted death star were innocent victims when the rebels destroyed it.
-- Dante Hicks
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Quote of the Day
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
-- Douglas Adams
Monday, August 04, 2008
Quote of the Day
He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now.
-- Stephen Wright
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Quote of the Day
Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Quote of the Day
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, August 01, 2008
Quote of the Day
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
-- Homer J. Simpson
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