A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Quote of the Day
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Quote of the Day
The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.
-- Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Quote of the Day
Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster. It's a common misconception, held by all truly stupid people.
-- Kryten 2X4B 523P
Monday, April 27, 2009
Quote of the Day
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
-- Scott Adams
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Quote of the Day
I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Quote of the Day
I wanted to go to college, so I went to my dad and said, "Dad, can I have a hundred thousand dollars to go to college?" And he said, "Go ask your mother", so I went to her and said "Can I have a hundred thousand to go to college?" And she said, "Ask you father", so I went to him and said "Can I have a hundred thousand?" And he said "Ask your mother." And as I was going to my mother I tripped and hit my head on the coffee table, and my mother said "Fifteen-love, my serve again."
-- Emo Philips
Friday, April 24, 2009
Quote of the Day
Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.
-- Harlan Ellison
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Quote of the Day
It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.
-- Terry Pratchett (Jingo)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Quote of the Day
Another war ... must it always be so? How many comrades have we lost in this way? ... Obedience. Duty. Death, and more death ...
-- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Quote of the Day
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra, which suddenly flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening (Love is Hell)
Monday, April 20, 2009
Quote of the Day
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Quote of the Day
Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm? Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything , which is why they are able to produce Laverne and Shirley week after week.
-- Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Quote of the Day
For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Friday, April 17, 2009
Quote of the Day
I look into the mirror
I see no happiness
All the warmth I gave you
Has turned to emptiness
The love we had has fallen
The love we used to share
You've left me here believing
In love that wasn't there
-- Yes
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Quote of the Day
Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Quote of the Day
This item demonstrates how stupid the average American is. Every ninety minutes someone in this country is hit by a train. A train, okay? Trains are on tracks; they can't come and get you. They can't surprise you when you step off a curb. You have to go to them. Got that?
-- George Carlin
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Quote of the Day
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham, his last words
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Quote of the Day
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Quote of the Day
Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."
-- David Letterman
Friday, April 10, 2009
Quote of the Day
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
-- Dave Barry
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Quote of the Day
There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-- W. C. Fields
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Quote of the Day
I can imagine no greater misfortune for a cultured people than to see in the hands of the rulers not only the civil, but also the religious power.
-- Caius Valerius Catullus
Monday, April 06, 2009
Quote of the Day
Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending.
-- Bender Unit 22
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Quote of the Day
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll go build my own lunar lander. With blackjack. And hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.
-- Bender Unit 22
Friday, April 03, 2009
Quote of the Day
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke", but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Quote of the Day
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Quote of the Day
Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.
-- James Blish
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)