When I meet a man I ask myself, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
-- Rita Rudner
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Quote of the Day
Week in Review
Friday, July 30, 2010
Quote of the Day
In the year 415, the woman scientist Hypatia, head of the legendary Alexandria library, was beaten to death by Christian monks who considered her a pagan. The leader of the monks, Cyril, was canonized a saint
-- James A. Haught (Free Inquiry, Winter 1996/1997)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Quote of the Day
The man who worships a tyrant in heaven naturally submits his neck to the yoke of tyrants on earth.
-- George W. Foote (Flowers of Freethought)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Quote of the Day
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
-- Groucho Marx
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Quote of the Day
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it was real pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it, like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you...
-- Jack Handey
Monday, July 26, 2010
Quote of the Day
All I wanted was to make the world a better place... and to make an assload of money.
-- Jodene Sparks
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Quote of the Day
I can imagine no greater misfortune for a cultured people than to see in the hands of the rulers not only the civil, but also the religious power.
-- Caius Valerius Catullus
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Quote of the Day
Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and austere, like that of a sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trapping of painting or music, yet sublimely pure, and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show. The true spirit of delight, the exaltation, the sense of being more than man, which is the touchstone of the highest excellence, is to be found in mathematics as surely as in poetry.
-- Bertrand Russell
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Quote of the Day
Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Quote of the Day
It was the greatest night of my life. I'd been invited to the Captain's Table. I'd only been with the company fourteen years. Six officers and me! They called me "Arnold." We had gazpacho soup for starters. I didn't know gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and I told him to take it away and bring it back hot. He did. The looks on their faces still haunt me today! I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time, they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup. I never ate at the Captain's Table again. That was the end of my career.
-- Arnold Judas Rimmer
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Quote of the Day
I wanted to go to college, so I went to my dad and said, "Dad, can I have a hundred thousand dollars to go to college?" And he said, "Go ask your mother", so I went to her and said "Can I have a hundred thousand to go to college?" And she said, "Ask you father", so I went to him and said "Can I have a hundred thousand?" And he said "Ask your mother." And as I was going to my mother I tripped and hit my head on the coffee table, and my mother said "Fifteen-love, my serve again."
-- Emo Philips
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Quote of the Day
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
-- Jack Handey
Week in Review
Friday, July 16, 2010
Quote of the Day
I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
-- Groucho Marx
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Quote of the Day
The new millennium sucks! What a disappointment! What's the difference between the old millennium and the new millennium? Nothing! It's the same load of crap with a "2" in the front. When I was a kid, I am old enough so that when I was a kid, I looked forward to the new millennium. When I was young, I said, "I'm gonna live through a change! A massive change! Things are gonna be different! Things are gonna be great!" Screwed again! No flying cars! No flying cars!
-- Lewis Black
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Quote of the Day
A lot of the stuff I do is so minimal, and it's designed to be minimal. The smallness of it is what's attractive. It's weird, 'cause it's so intellectually lame. It's hard to see me doing that for the rest of my life. But at the same time, it's what I do best.
-- Chris Elliot (writer and performer on Late Night with David Letterman)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Quote of the Day
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-- George Carlin
Monday, July 12, 2010
Quote of the Day
In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing...
-- Nigel Tufnel
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Quote of the Day
It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
-- Voltaire
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Quote of the Day
The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action.
-- Albert Einstein
Week in Review
Friday, July 09, 2010
Quote of the Day
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Quote of the Day
To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Quote of the Day
You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.
-- Austin Powers
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Quote of the Day
Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Monday, July 05, 2010
Quote of the Day
They used dogs. They used probes. They used cardio plate crossoffs. They used teepers. They used bribery. They used stick tites. They used intimidation. They used torment. They used torture. They used finks. They used cops. They used search and seizure. They used fallaron. They used betterment incentives. They used finger prints. They used the bertillion system. They used cunning. They used guile. They used treachery. They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help. They used applied physics. They used techniques of criminology. And what the hell, they caught him.
-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Quote of the Day
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Quote of the Day
I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up.
-- Bob Uecker
Friday, July 02, 2010
Quote of the Day
I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Quote of the Day
In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don't want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.
-- Alfred Hitchcock
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