As long as people are still having premartial sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-- Austin Powers
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Quote of the Day
Monday, July 30, 2012
Quote of the Day
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
-- Groucho Marx
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Quote of the Day
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Quote of the Day
The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
-- Jack Handey
Friday, July 27, 2012
Quote of the Day
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Quote of the Day
I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Quote of the Day
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Quote of the Day
The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Quote of the Day
You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie...
-- Dante Hicks
Friday, July 20, 2012
Quote of the Day
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Quote of the Day
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
-- Gore Vidal
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Quote of the Day
In these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing certain.
-- Pliny the Elder
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Quote of the Day
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, July 16, 2012
Quote of the Day
I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.
-- Berkeley Breathed
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Quote of the Day
Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.
-- Calvin Trillin
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Quote of the Day
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
-- George Carlin
Friday, July 13, 2012
Quote of the Day
Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.
-- Terry Pratchett
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Quote of the Day
Orthodoxy means not thinking - not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.
-- George Orwell
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Quote of the Day
If we have learned one thing from the history of invention and discovery, it is that, in the long run - and often in the short one - the most daring prophecies seem laughably conservative.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Monday, July 09, 2012
Quote of the Day
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
-- Albert Einstein
Sunday, July 08, 2012
Quote of the Day
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Quote of the Day
Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions.
-- Benjamin Spock
Friday, July 06, 2012
Quote of the Day
Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Quote of the Day
I figure that if God actually does exist, He's big enough to understand an honest difference of opinion.
-- Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Quote of the Day
Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired, go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!
-- Bill Hicks
Monday, July 02, 2012
Quote of the Day
I love timbersports! They combine the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and the threat of amputation!
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)
Sunday, July 01, 2012
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