Mmmm, free goo.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Quote of the Day
God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
-- Douglas Adams
Week in Review
Friday, December 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has the medieval aroma -- like the days when everything used to sound like that.
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
-- Isaac Asimov
Monday, December 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
-- Donald E. Knuth
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Week in Review
Friday, December 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
The nanny state is always sticking its nose into our business, from baby seats to motorcycle helmets, yet when I let my baby drive my Harley in a baby seat with a helmet, they call child services.
-- Stephen Colbert
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
No one has an idea really of where we should draw the line. What about the Bible? Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around. If you're looking for violent rape imagery, the Bible's right there in your hotel room. If you just want to look up ways to screw people up, there it is, and you're justified because God told you to. You have Shakespeare and you have Sophocles--what are we going to do, lose Oedipus Rex if someone pokes an eye out?
-- Penn Jillette, from Reason magazine, on censorship of violent TV shows
Monday, December 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
-- Stephen Wright
Friday, December 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
And, Lord, we're especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is, except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
In the stands here I see a young couple who must be in love -- they're kissing on every pitch. He's kissing her on the strikes, and she's kissing him on the balls.
-- Harry Caray
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don't want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.
-- Alfred Hitchcock
Monday, December 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.
-- Terry Pratchett (The Last Continent)
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Quote of the Day
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, December 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
-- Jack Handey
Friday, December 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
-- Dante Hicks
Thursday, December 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.
-- Publius Ovidius Naso (Ovid)
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
Sex and the City 2 is the story of, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, four shopaholic whores.
-- Stephen Colbert
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting number than 0.
-- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
Monday, December 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
When I meet a man I ask myself, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
-- Rita Rudner
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
-- Marcus Aurelius
Monday, November 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
-- Mark Twain
Friday, November 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
Then you have to say one or other of two things. Either God only speaks to a very small percentage of mankind--which happens to include yourself--or He deliberately says things are not true in talking to the consciences of savages.
-- Bertrand Russell
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
It's hard to have a righteous opinion on the environment when you're as selfish and uninformed as I am. On one hand, I'm a cat-loving vegetarian who ought to care deeply about the caribou or koala bears or bats or whatever they have in Alaska. On the other hand, I live in California so I'd be willing to squeeze school children to death if I thought some oil would come out.
-- Scott Adams
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
-- A. Whitney Brown
Monday, November 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst.
-- Thomas Paine
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
Inspector Clay is dead! Murdered! And someone's responsible!
-- Detective (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Friday, November 15, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't know why, but first C programs tend to look a lot worse than first programs in any other language (maybe except for fortran, but then I suspect all fortran programs look like "firsts")
-- Olaf Kirch
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you're near? I'm guessing it might have something to do with your birdseed sombrero.
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of course, the same can be said of dirt.
-- Sandra Boynton
Monday, November 11, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
-- H.G. Wells
Saturday, November 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
-- Demetri Martin
Friday, November 08, 2013
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
True ornament is not a matter of prettifying externals. It is organic with the structure it adorns, whether a person, a building, or a park. At its best it is an emphasis of structure, a realization in graceful terms of the nature of that which is ornamented.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment.
-- Harlan Ellison
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
-- Rita Rudner
Monday, November 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
... C++ offers even more flexible control over the visibility of member objects and member functions. Specifically, members may be placed in the public, private, or protected parts of a class. Members declared in the public parts are visible to all clients; members declared in the private parts are fully encapsulated; and members declared in the protected parts are visible only to the class itself and its subclasses. C++ also supports the notion of *friends*: cooperative classes that are permitted to see each other's private parts.
-- Grady Booch, "Object Oriented Design with Applications"
Sunday, November 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
-- H.L. Mencken
Saturday, November 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
-- Eric Idle
Friday, November 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.
-- Bertrand Russell
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Quote of the Day
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
-- Lenny Bruce
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
People who think of videos as an art form are probably the same people who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a revolutionary form of soft sculpture.
-- Frank Zappa
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?
-- Richard P. Feynman
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
Risch's decision procedure for integration, not surprisingly, uses a recursion on the number and type of the extensions from the rational functions needed to represent the integrand. Although the algorithm follows and critically depends upon the appropriate structure of the input, as in the case of multivariate factorization, we cannot claim that the algorithm is a natural one. In fact, the creator of differential algebra, Ritt, committed suicide in the early 1950's, largely, it is claimed, because few paid attention to his work. Probably he would have received more attention had he obtained the algorithm as well.
-- Joel Moses, Algorithms and Complexity, ed. J.F. Traub
Monday, October 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
-- Dave Barry
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
...Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious mistakes. Postjudice is not terrible. You can't be perfect of course; you may make mistakes also. But it is permissible to make a judgment after you have examined the evidence. In some circles it is even encouraged.
-- Carl Sagan, "The Burden of Skepticism," Skeptical Enquirer, Vol. 12, pg. 46
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
I love timbersports! They combine the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and the threat of amputation!
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
-- Henny Youngman
Monday, October 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
Science is best defined as a careful, disciplined, logical search for knowledge about any and all aspects of the universe, obtained by examination of the best available evidence and always subject to correction and improvement upon discovery of better evidence. What's left is magic. And it doesn't work.
-- James Randi
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
All of us were slowly losing that intellectual light that allows you always to tell the similar from the identical, the metaphorical from the real.
-- Umberto Eco
Friday, October 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
-- Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are represented in this programme. It was never our intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are more concerned with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent, nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today. Nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive. We are sorry if this impression has come across.
-- Monty Python
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Monday, October 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, October 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
And thank you most of all for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a single proven fatality, at least in this country.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, October 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Week in Review
Friday, October 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
-- Stephen Wright
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
-- Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regiment)
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-- Albert Einstein
Monday, September 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
Let's face it, comedy is a dead art form. Now tragedy, ha ha ha, that's funny!
-- Bender Unit 22
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Quote of the Day
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Week in Review
Friday, September 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
-- Stephen Wright
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
-- George Carlin
Monday, September 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the gun accidentally goes off and kills his friend. Only in America is the villain in this commercial not guns or bad parenting, but pot.
-- Bill Maher
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
We are at the very beginning of time for the human race. It is not unreasonable that we grapple with problems. But there are tens of thousands of years in the future. Our responsibility is to do what we can, learn what we can, improve the solutions, and pass them on.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Friday, September 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
-- Randal Graves
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
-- Douglas Adams
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
-- Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.
-- John Ciardi
Monday, September 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to 'em, you'll get back plenty in return.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac
Friday, September 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first primitive umpire.
What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers.
-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
Everywhere you go you'll see them searching,
Everywhere you turn you'll feel the pain,
Everyone is looking for the answer,
Well look again.
-- Moody Blues, "Lost in a Lost World"
Monday, September 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."
-- Dorothy Parker
Sunday, September 08, 2013
Quote of the Day
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
-- Dave Barry
Saturday, September 07, 2013
Friday, September 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
I've recently noticed "as if for the first time" that when people pray they always look "upward" -- i.e. perpendicular to whatever place they're standing -- or kneeling or groveling. I deduce that they conceive of their "god" as topologically isomorphic to a huge donut, about a thousand miles wider than Earth.
-- Robert Anton Wilson
Thursday, September 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as science collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invoke miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history into the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that all fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion, misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize the ideas of their opponents.
-- Stephen Jay Gould ("The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186)
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
The priests used to say that faith can move mountains, and nobody believed them. Today the scientists say that they can level mountains, and nobody doubts them.
-- Joseph Campbell
Monday, September 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
Sunday, September 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long home centers were springing up like crabgrass all over the United States.
-- Dave Barry
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be the homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that.
-- George Carlin
Monday, August 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying.
--Bertrand Russell
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.
-- Sinclair Lewis
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
Sen. Danforth: There is nothing on the face of the album which would notify you if the record has pornographics material or material glorifying violence?
Tipper Gore: No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me.
Frank Zappa: I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's legs on the album cover is good indication that it's not for little Johnny.
-- The Senate Commerce Committee hearing on rock lyrics, from The Village Voice, 6 Oct 1985
Friday, August 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gotama Buddha
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
This man is costing my health plan five thousand dollars a day! I demand he die with dignity.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
-- David Letterman
Monday, August 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
-- Scott Adams
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.
-- Bertrand Russell
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
Besides, even if they made all of the airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would simply start bombing other places that are crowded: pawnshops, crack houses, titty bars and gang bangs. You know, entertainment venues.
-- George Carlin
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
-- W. C. Fields
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
-- Douglas Adams
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa
Monday, August 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
I can hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.
-- Charles Darwin
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
What I have done is to show that it is possible for the way the universe began to be determined by the laws of science. In that case, it would not be necessary to appeal to God to decide how the universe began. This doesn't prove that there is no God, only that God is not necessary.
-- Stephen W. Hawking, Der Spiegel, 1989
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Friday, August 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.
-- Honore de Balzac
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Quote of the Day
Not one hundred percent efficient, of course ... but nothing ever is.
-- James T. Kirk, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.
-- Marcus Cole (Babylon 5)
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Monday, August 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
I can imagine no greater misfortune for a cultured people than to see in the hands of the rulers not only the civil, but also the religious power.
-- Caius Valerius Catullus
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
It's all Christianity, people. The little, stupid differences are nothing next to the big, stupid similarities.
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson
Saturday, August 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
To be a persecuted genius, you not only have to be persecuted, you also have to be right.
-- Isaac Asimov
Friday, August 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
I still went to church regularly, though, until I was eighteen years old. Then suddenly, the light bulb went on over my head. All the mindless morbidity and discipline was pretty sick--bleeding this, painful that and no meat on Friday. What is this shit?
-- Frank Zappa
Thursday, August 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
His power lies apparently in his ability to choose incompetent enemies.
-- Crow T. Robot
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Quote of the Day
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.
-- John Stuart Mill
Monday, July 29, 2013
Quote of the Day
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
-- Douglas Adams
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative.
-- John Burroughs
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
-- Albert Einstein
Friday, July 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
Way to go Sparks, you broke the monitor and you're dead. Happy?
-- Captain Hazel 'Hank' Murphy
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
-- Douglas Adams
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
-- Jack Handey
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, July 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
This is crazy! Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone? She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
-- Dave Lister
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't say that we ought to all misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.
-- Orson Welles
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
Probably the most difficult thing in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. Other than that, it's been a good day.
-- Emo Philips
Week in Review
Friday, July 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.
-- Carl Sagan
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Rich Kulawiec
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
-- Stephen Wright
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
-- Emo Philips
Monday, July 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
-- Groucho Marx
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
We got somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 states. We could lose a few. I mean, do we really need two Dakotas? And NEW Hampshire? I'm sure the old one's fine.
-- Stephen Colbert
Week in Review
Friday, July 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong.
-- Johann Von Neumann
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
-- Jerry Seinfeld
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
When people learn no tools of judgment and merely follow their hopes, the seeds of political manipulation are sown.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
The bible must be seen in a cultural context. It didn't just happen. These stories are retreads. But, tell a Christian that -- No, No! What makes it doubly sad is that they hardly know the book, much less its origins.
-- Isaac Asimov
Monday, July 08, 2013
Quote of the Day
Bring me a creationist who doesn't lie, deceive, distort and distract then I will show you a whole lot of thin air!
-- Clayton Forno
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
This so-called "new religion" is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate!
-- Reverend Timothy Lovejoy
Friday, July 05, 2013
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Quote of the Day
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson
Friday, June 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Quote of the Day
I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
-- Babe Ruth
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
The War Prayer: "O Lord our God, help us to tear their bodies to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded."
-- Mark Twain
Monday, June 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
The startling truth finally became apparent, and it was this: Numbers written on restaurant checks do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single statement took the scientific world by storm. So many mathematical conferences got held in such good restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and heart failure, and the science of mathematics was put back by years.
-- Douglas Adams
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
You can cite a hundred references to show that the biblical God is a bloodthirsty tyrant, but if they can dig up two or three verses that say "God is love," they will claim that *you* are taking things out of context!
-- Dan Barker (Losing Faith in Faith)
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
It ain't supposed to make sense; it's faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.
-- Archie Bunker
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side.
-- Frank Zappa
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
-- H.L. Mencken
Friday, June 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
The universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours.
-- Bertrand Russell
Monday, June 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
-- Frank Zappa
Sunday, June 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Saturday, June 08, 2013
Week in Review
Friday, June 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
-- John Cage
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't know what you could say about a day in which you have seen four beautiful sunsets.
-- John Glenn
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Quote of the Day
What are all of us but self-reproducing robots? We have been put together by our genes and what we do is roam the world looking for a way to sustain ourselves and ultimately produce another robot child.
-- Richard Dawkins
Monday, June 03, 2013
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
The level of awe that you get by contemplating the modern scientific view of the universe: deep time (by which I mean geological time), deep space, and what you could call deep complexity, living things..... that level of awe is just orders of magnitude greater and more awe-inspiring than the sort of pokey medieval world-view which the church still actually has. I mean, they sort of pay lip-service to the scientific world-view, but if you listen to what they say on Thought For The Day [a religious program on BBC Radio] and things like that, it is medieval. It's a small world, a small universe, with the sky up there, very little advance since that time. So I yield to nobody in my awe for the universe and for life, but I also have a deep desire to understand it, in terms of what makes it work, what makes it tick, and not to take refuge in spurious non-explanations like "I just believe it because I believe it," that sort of thing.
-- Richard Dawkins, intervi ew with Douglas Adams
Saturday, June 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time.
-- Honore de Balzac
Friday, May 31, 2013
Quote of the Day
I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another where the best fruit is.
-- Terry Pratchett
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Quote of the Day
The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive...but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetic in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. And every step in astronomy and geology ever taken has been opposed by bigotry and superstition. The Greeks surpassed us in artistic culture and in architecture five hundred years before Christian religion was born.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.
-- Bertrand Russell
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Quote of the Day
Visits? That would indicate visitors!
-- Air Force Captain (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...
-- Terry Pratchett (Feet of Clay)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Monday, May 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the lightbulb.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Quote of the Day
Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
-- Ian Faith
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
Certainly I see the scientific view of the world as incompatible with religion, but that is not what is interesting about it. It is also incompatible with magic, but that also is not worth stressing. What is interesting about the scientific world view is that it is true, inspiring, remarkable and that it unites a whole lot of phenomena under a single heading.
-- Richard Dawkins
Week in Review
Friday, May 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
In my land, women are for advancing the race, not for fighting man's battles.
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
-- Stephen Wright
Monday, May 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
Most of what we strive for in our modern life uses the apparatus of goal seeking that was originally set up to seek goals in the state of nature.
-- Richard Dawkins
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-- Jack Handey
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there.
-- Paula Trent (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice - there are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.
-- Frank Zappa
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Quote of the Day
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.
-- Bertrand Russell
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
There are two essential rules of management. One: the customer is always right. Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.
-- Dogbert
Monday, May 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business.
-- Frank Zappa
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