You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Quote of the Day
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Quote of the Day
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Quote of the Day
Church, cult. Cult, church. Big deal! So we get bored somewhere else every Sunday!
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
-- Frederick Brooks, (The Mythical Man-Month)
Friday, February 22, 2013
Quote of the Day
If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
-- Lenny Bruce
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Quote of the Day
If only more Christians read their bibles there'd be less Christians.
-- Derek W. Clayton
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Quote of the Day
...and no philosophy, sadly, has all the answers. No matter how assured we may be about certain aspects of our belief, there are always painful inconsistencies, exceptions, and contradictions. This is true in religion as it is in politics, and is self-evident to all except fanatics and the naive. As for the fanatics, whose number is legion in our own time, we might be advised to leave them to heaven. They will not, unfortunately, do us the same courtesy. They attack us and each other, and whatever their protestations to peaceful intent, the bloody record of history makes clear that they are easily disposed to restore to the sword. My own belief in God, then, is just that -- a matter of belief, not knowledge. My respect for Jesus Christ arises from the fact that He seems to have been the most virtuous inhabitant of Planet Earth. But even well-educated Christians are frustated in their thirst for certainty about the beloved figure of Jesus because of the undeniab le ambiguity of the scriptural record. Such ambiguity is not apparent to children or fanatics, but every recognized Bible scholar is perfectly aware of it. Some Christians, alas, resort to formal lying to obscure such reality.
-- Steve Allen
Monday, February 18, 2013
Quote of the Day
I have something to say about the difference between American and European cities. But I've forgotten what it is. I have it written down at home somewhere.
-- David Byrne (True Stories)
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Quote of the Day
I wanted to go to college, so I went to my dad and said, "Dad, can I have a hundred thousand dollars to go to college?" And he said, "Go ask your mother", so I went to her and said "Can I have a hundred thousand to go to college?" And she said, "Ask you father", so I went to him and said "Can I have a hundred thousand?" And he said "Ask your mother." And as I was going to my mother I tripped and hit my head on the coffee table, and my mother said "Fifteen-love, my serve again."
-- Emo Philips
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Quote of the Day
It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an airport' appear.
-- Douglas Adams
Friday, February 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-- Randal Graves
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Quote of the Day
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Quote of the Day
No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as an indication-applied occurrence.
-- ALGOL 68 Report
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Quote of the Day
They used dogs. They used probes. They used cardio plate crossoffs. They used teepers. They used bribery. They used stick tites. They used intimidation. They used torment. They used torture. They used finks. They used cops. They used search and seizure. They used fallaron. They used betterment incentives. They used finger prints. They used the bertillion system. They used cunning. They used guile. They used treachery. They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help. They used applied physics. They used techniques of criminology. And what the hell, they caught him.
-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"
Monday, February 11, 2013
Quote of the Day
You see, boy? The real money's in bootlegging! Not in your childish vandalism.
-- Homer J. Simpson
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Quote of the Day
I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
Saturday, February 09, 2013
Quote of the Day
Another war ... must it always be so? How many comrades have we lost in this way? ... Obedience. Duty. Death, and more death ...
-- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
Friday, February 08, 2013
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Quote of the Day
Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?
-- Richard P. Feynman
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Quote of the Day
If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
-- Robert X. Cringeley
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Quote of the Day
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.
-- Jack Handey
Monday, February 04, 2013
Sunday, February 03, 2013
Quote of the Day
Jazz does not belong to one race or culture, but is a gift that America has given the world.
-- Ahmad Alaadeen
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Quote of the Day
It's tough to have sex during marriage because you're always walking that tight rope between "this again?" and "where did you learn that?"
-- Emo Philips
Friday, February 01, 2013
Quote of the Day
The human mind is a dangerous plaything, boys. When it's used for evil, watch out! But when it's used for good, then things are much nicer.
-- The Tick
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