I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
-- Steven Wright
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Quote of the Day
The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.
-- Bertrand Russell
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Quote of the Day
The road to this paradise was not as comfortable and alluring as the road to the religious paradise; but it has shown itself reliable, and I have never regretted having chosen it.
-- Albert Einstein
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Quote of the Day
If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.
-- I. F. Stone
Monday, February 24, 2014
Quote of the Day
The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.
-- St. Augustine
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Quote of the Day
You read the Bible in your own special ways
you're fond of quoting certain things it says
Mouth full of righteousness and wrath from above
When do we hear about forgiveness and love?
-- Bruce Cockburn, "Gospel of Bondage"
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Quote of the Day
I figure that if God actually does exist, He's big enough to understand an honest difference of opinion.
-- Isaac Asimov
Week in Review
Friday, February 21, 2014
Quote of the Day
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
-- Quentin Crisp
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Quote of the Day
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
-- George Carlin
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Quote of the Day
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said "if you need anything, I'm Jill." I've never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
-- Demetri Martin
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Quote of the Day
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
-- Stephen Wright
Monday, February 17, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Quote of the Day
You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 nuclear powered pansexual roto-plooker....and you're gonna have to pay for it.
-- Frank Zappa
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Quote of the Day
Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
-- Mark Twain
Friday, February 14, 2014
Quote of the Day
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards.
-- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Quote of the Day
I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles!
-- Homer J. Simpson
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Quote of the Day
Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.
-- Lisa Simpson
Monday, February 10, 2014
Quote of the Day
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, February 09, 2014
Saturday, February 08, 2014
Quote of the Day
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Friday, February 07, 2014
Quote of the Day
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
-- Jack Handey
Thursday, February 06, 2014
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
Quote of the Day
I like a cold because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What do the rest of you use? Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother? Non-narcotic sissy pansy bullshit! NyQuil's the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package, '180 Proof.' It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday! When I got a cold, I want something that's gonna fuck me up! Cause that way the blur seems interesting... NyQuil comes in two colors, red and green. It's the only thing on the planet that tastes like...red and green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That's right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog. Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, 'This tastes like shit!' But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.
-- Lewis Black
Monday, February 03, 2014
Quote of the Day
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
-- Groucho Marx
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Quote of the Day
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Saturday, February 01, 2014
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