Quote of the Day

I like a cold because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What do the rest of you use? Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother? Non-narcotic sissy pansy bullshit! NyQuil's the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package, '180 Proof.' It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday! When I got a cold, I want something that's gonna fuck me up! Cause that way the blur seems interesting... NyQuil comes in two colors, red and green. It's the only thing on the planet that tastes like...red and green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That's right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog. Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, 'This tastes like shit!' But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.
-- Lewis Black

Quote of the Day

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, me, 'cause I'm the only one that does anything around here anyway.
-- Neil Pye

Quote of the Day

Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves possess.
-- Gandalf the Grey (J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings)

Quote of the Day

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
-- Frank Zappa

Drum and Bugle Corps

more drum corps...

Quote of the Day

They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
-- Carl Sagan

Quote of the Day

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-- Billy Crystal

Quote of the Day

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all... I personally resent it bitterly.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Quote of the Day

One trend that bothers me is the glorification of stupidity, that the media is reassuring people it's alright not to know anything. That to me is far more dangerous than a little pornography on the Internet.
-- Carl Sagan

Quote of the Day

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Quote of the Day

In the year 415, the woman scientist Hypatia, head of the legendary Alexandria library, was beaten to death by Christian monks who considered her a pagan. The leader of the monks, Cyril, was canonized a saint
-- James A. Haught (Free Inquiry, Winter 1996/1997)

Quote of the Day

Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
-- Scottish proverb

Quote of the Day

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Quote of the Day

Why isn't there a name for the meal between breakfast and brunch?
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

You see, boy? The real money's in bootlegging! Not in your childish vandalism.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin (interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal)

Quote of the Day

Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan

Quote of the Day

When belief in a god dies, the god dies.
-- Harlan Ellison (Deathbird Stories)

Quote of the Day

Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.
-- Max Bialystock

Quote of the Day

Goddammit! The world is just filling up with more and more idiots! And the computer is giving them access to the world! They're spreading their stupidity! At least they were contained before--now they're on the loose everywhere!
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

Ninety percent of everything is crap.
-- Theodore Sturgeon

Quote of the Day

Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.
-- Jack Handey