Quote of the Day

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.
-- Robin Williams

Quote of the Day

In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4

Quote of the Day

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.
-- Bob Newhart

Quote of the Day

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

Alone! I'm alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Yep. My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me, then we divorced, then last week I ran into her sister Beth here; turns out she hates Tammy too, so we started dating. It's like a fairy tale!
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
-- William Goldman

Quote of the Day

This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasnt the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

The new millennium sucks! What a disappointment! What's the difference between the old millennium and the new millennium? Nothing! It's the same load of crap with a "2" in the front. When I was a kid, I am old enough so that when I was a kid, I looked forward to the new millennium. When I was young, I said, "I'm gonna live through a change! A massive change! Things are gonna be different! Things are gonna be great!" Screwed again! No flying cars! No flying cars!
-- Lewis Black

Quote of the Day

A house is where you put your stuff when you're out buying other stuff.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and
B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
C is for cc, as hackers recall, while
D is for dd, the command that does all.
E is for emacs, which rebinds your keys, and
F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees.
G is for grep, a clever detective, while
H is for halt, which may seem defective.
I is for indent, which rarely amuses, and
J is for join, which nobody uses.
K is for kill, which makes you the boss, while
L is for lex, which is missing from DOS.
M is for more, from which less was begot, and
N is for nice, which it really is not.
O is for od, which prints out things nice, while
P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice.
Q is for quota, a Berkeley-type fable, and
R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table.
S is for spell, which attempts to belittle, while
T is for true, which does very little.
U is for uniq, which is used after sort, and
V is for vi, which is hard to abort.
W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while
X is, well, X, of dubious fame.
Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and
Z is for zcat, which handles compression.
-- THE ABC'S OF UNIX

Quote of the Day

The word "spine" is, of course, an anagram of "penis". This is true in almost fifty percent of the languages of the Galaxy, and many people have attempted to explain why. Usually these explanations get bogged down in silly puns about "standing erect".
-- Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Quote of the Day

Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot;
Or he can, but does not want to;
Or he cannot and does not want to.
If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent.
If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked.
But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil,
Then how come evil in the world?
-- Epicurus

Quote of the Day

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

It was a sin to want to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to plan to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to figure out a place to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to take Ellen to the place to be felt up. It was a sin to try to feel up Ellen, and it was a sin to feel her up. There were six sins involved in one feel, man!
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out, which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

The nanny state is always sticking its nose into our business, from baby seats to motorcycle helmets, yet when I let my baby drive my Harley in a baby seat with a helmet, they call child services.
-- Stephen Colbert

Quote of the Day

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Quote of the Day

He was in a quandary...being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires... uh.. the guy was a wreck.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.
-- Arab proverb

Quote of the Day

That chill, my young non-friend, is probably the cold breath of the reaper breathing down your neck.
-- Captain Hazel 'Hank' Murphy

Quote of the Day

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

As long as people are still having premartial sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-- Austin Powers

Quote of the Day

A Democratic victory would not change the world, but it would at least slow the berserk white-trash momentum of the bombs-and-Jesus crowd. Those people have had their way long enough. Not even the Book of Revelations threatens a plague of vengeful yahoos.
-- Hunter Thompson

Quote of the Day

Orthodoxy means not thinking - not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil.
-- Helen Lovejoy

Quote of the Day

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
-- Philip J. Fry

Quote of the Day

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

This is crazy! Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone? She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
-- Dave Lister