Quote of the Day

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

I think it is not helpful to apply Darwinian language too widely. Conquest of nation by nation is too distant for Darwinian explanations to be helpful.
-- Richard Dawkin

Quote of the Day

If you want to do evil, science provides the most powerful weapons to do evil; but equally, if you want to do good, science puts into your hands the most powerful tools to do so.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.
-- Penn Jillette

Quote of the Day

Weather forcast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an airport' appear.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Booze makes you popular and heals all wounds!
-- Tom Servo

Quote of the Day

I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

The future ain't what it used to be.
-- Yogi Berra

Quote of the Day

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

If only he had joined a mainstream religion, like Oprahism or Voodoo.
-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth

Quote of the Day

In the Schrute family, we believe in a five-fingered intervention. Awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!
-- Monty Python

Quote of the Day

The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do' I typed it out. End of story.
-- Douglas Adams (on why "42" is The Answer...)

Quote of the Day

I still went to church regularly, though, until I was eighteen years old. Then suddenly, the light bulb went on over my head. All the mindless morbidity and discipline was pretty sick--bleeding this, painful that and no meat on Friday. What is this shit?
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)

Quote of the Day

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
-- David Frost

Quote of the Day

Hipness is not a state of mind, It's a fact of life!
-- Cannonball Adderley

Quote of the Day

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
-- James Joyce

Quote of the Day

1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
3/4 oz. tequilla
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. orange juice
3/4 oz. sour mix
1/2 oz. cola
shake with ice and strain into frosted glass.
-- Long Island Iced Tea

Quote of the Day

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
-- Squidward Tentacles

Quote of the Day

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
-- Dorothy Parker

Quote of the Day

I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Do not trust people. They are capable of greatness.
-- Stanislaw Lem

Quote of the Day

Hey, wouldn't it be terrible if we ended up having to eat each other? Like those sailors did in that film, um..."We Ended Up Having To Eat Each Other."
-- Neil Pye

Quote of the Day

When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.
-- Jack Handey