Quote of the Day

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Quote of the Day

You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Justifying space exploration because we get non-stick frying pans is like justifying music because it is good exercise for the violinists right arm.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus!
-- Doctor John A. Zoidberg

Quote of the Day

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
-- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

Oh my God. This is just like that drug trip I saw in that movie while I was on that drug trip.
-- Philip J. Fry

Quote of the Day

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

I think that in philosophical strictness at the level where one doubts the existence of material objects and holds that the world may have existed for only five minutes, I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptic orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.
-- Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

I thought you needed some air, even if that air is fouled by the stench of European socialism.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
-- A.J. Perlis

Quote of the Day

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
-- Euripides

Quote of the Day

A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation.
-- Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Quote of the Day

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

Many a time in the past six years I have bit my tongue so I wouldn't annoy people with the always obnoxious observation, "I told you so." But, dammit it all to hell, I did tell you, and I've been telling you since 1994, and I am so sick of this man and everything he represents -- all the sleazy, smug, self-righteous graft and corruption and "Christian" moralizing and cynicism and tax cuts for all his smug, rich buddies. Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.
-- Molly Ivins

Quote of the Day

I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
-- Max Bialystock

Known, Trusted, Reliable, and Delusional

Trumpet of the Lord

Quote of the Day

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Religious people split into three main groups when faced with science. I shall label them the "know-nothings", the "know-alls", and the "no-contests"
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

The Religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote of the Day

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-- Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Quote of the Day

You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie...
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
-- Joseph Heller (God Knows)

Quote of the Day

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

Quote of the Day

If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.
-- St. Augustine