Quote of the Day

Breakfast food can serve many purposes.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-- Ralph Wiggum

Quote of the Day

We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our grave singing Halelleuia ...
-- Monty Python

Quote of the Day

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

If only more Christians read their bibles there'd be less Christians.
-- Derek W. Clayton

Quote of the Day

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The bible must be seen in a cultural context. It didn't just happen. These stories are retreads. But, tell a Christian that -- No, No! What makes it doubly sad is that they hardly know the book, much less its origins.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-- Ernest Rutherford

Quote of the Day

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foes with a balanced attack.
-- The Sphinx

Quote of the Day

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)

Quote of the Day

Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm? Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything , which is why they are able to produce Laverne and Shirley week after week.
-- Dave Barry (The Taming of the Screw)

Quote of the Day

Why do people keep insisting that I join the twenty-first century? I live in the twenty-first century! I just don't want to be bothered by the shitheads on the internet!
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

Thank God for Savage and Scarborough. Without them, who, besides Rush, OReilly, Buchanan, Novak, Kristol, Roger Ailes, Hannity, Barnes, Hume, Will, the Wall Street Journal, The Washington Times, The New York Post, the Weekly Standard, American Spectator, The New York Sun, all of Fox, most of MSNBC cable, much of CNN, ABC, National Review, Drudge, Andy, Ann Coulter, Bernard Goldberg, etc, etc, would have the guts to take on The liberal media?
-- Eric Alterman

Quote of the Day

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
-- H.G. Wells

Quote of the Day

I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. What I thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. And what I thought was ten years away... it was already here. I just wasn't aware of it yet.
-- Bruce Sterling

Quote of the Day

Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.
-- Max Bialystock

Quote of the Day

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

The key to building a superstar is to keep their mouth shut. To reveal an artist to the people can be to destroy him. It isn't to anyone's advantage to see the truth.
-- Bob Ezrin, rock music producer

Quote of the Day

To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-- Rudyard Kipling

Quote of the Day

When they say, "Gee, it's an information explosion!" --no, it's not an explosion, it's a disgorgement of the bowels is what it is. Every idiotic thing that anybody could possibly write or say or think can get into the body politic now --where before things would have to have some merit to go through the publishing routine, now, anything. And all you're getting is an explosion of useless crap, which added to the other useless crap that was being done originally, only makes it that much worse."
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and
B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
C is for cc, as hackers recall, while
D is for dd, the command that does all.
E is for emacs, which rebinds your keys, and
F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees.
G is for grep, a clever detective, while
H is for halt, which may seem defective.
I is for indent, which rarely amuses, and
J is for join, which nobody uses.
K is for kill, which makes you the boss, while
L is for lex, which is missing from DOS.
M is for more, from which less was begot, and
N is for nice, which it really is not.
O is for od, which prints out things nice, while
P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice.
Q is for quota, a Berkeley-type fable, and
R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table.
S is for spell, which attempts to belittle, while
T is for true, which does very little.
U is for uniq, which is used after sort, and
V is for vi, which is hard to abort.
W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while
X is, well, X, of dubious fame.
Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and
Z is for zcat, which handles compression.
-- THE ABC'S OF UNIX