Quote of the Day

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

There was no place in the land where the seeker could not find some small budding sign of pity for the slave. No place in all the land but one-- the pulpit. It yielded last; it always does. It fought a strong and stubborn fight, and then did what it always does, joined the procession-- at the tail end. Slavery fell. The slavery texts in the Bible remained; the practice changed; that was all.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

O! Wanderers in the shadowed land
despair not! For though dark they stand,
all woods there be must end at last,
and see the open sun go past:
the setting sun, the rising sun,
the day's end, or the day begun.
For east or west all woods must fail ...
-- J. R. R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive...but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetic in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. And every step in astronomy and geology ever taken has been opposed by bigotry and superstition. The Greeks surpassed us in artistic culture and in architecture five hundred years before Christian religion was born.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

What are all of us but self-reproducing robots? We have been put together by our genes and what we do is roam the world looking for a way to sustain ourselves and ultimately produce another robot child.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

A little retrospection shows that although many fine, useful software systems have been designed by committees and built as part of multipart projects, those software systems that have excited passionate fans are those that are the products of one or a few designing minds, great designers. Consider Unix, APL, Pascal, Modula, the Smalltalk interface, even Fortran; and contrast them with Cobol, PL/I, Algol, MVS/370, and MS-DOS.
-- Fred Brooks

Quote of the Day

In Washington, only two kinds of religion are tolerated: vague beliefs strongly affirmed and strong beliefs vaguely expressed.
-- Eugene McCarthy

Quote of the Day

Like all great theologies, Bill O'Reilly's can be boiled down to one sentence: there must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
-- Stephen Colbert

Quote of the Day

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
-- Babe Ruth

Quote of the Day

It was amazing, this mystic business. You tell them a lie, and then when you don't need it anymore you tell them another lie and tell them they're progressing along the road to wisdom. Then instead of laughing they follow you even more, hoping that at the heart of all the lies they'll find the truth. And bit by bit they accept the unacceptable. Amazing.
-- Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)

Quote of the Day

When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest.
-- Bullwinkle Moose

Quote of the Day

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.
-- Eugene McCarthy

Quote of the Day

The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham

Quote of the Day

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham, his last words

Quote of the Day

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
-- Henny Youngman

Quote of the Day

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed -- but a woman is always a woman.
-- James T. Kirk, "The Conscience of the King", stardate 2818.9

Quote of the Day

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off.
-- George Carlin (Brain Droppings)

Quote of the Day

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli

Quote of the Day

I hate people who love me. And they hate me.
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-- Dorothy Parker

Quote of the Day

I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Because that's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III