Quote of the Day

The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

A house is where you put your stuff when you're out buying other stuff.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

It's hard to have a righteous opinion on the environment when you're as selfish and uninformed as I am. On one hand, I'm a cat-loving vegetarian who ought to care deeply about the caribou or koala bears or bats or whatever they have in Alaska. On the other hand, I live in California so I'd be willing to squeeze school children to death if I thought some oil would come out.
-- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

It ain't supposed to make sense; it's faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.
-- Archie Bunker

Quote of the Day

Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons.
-- Popular Mechanics, March 1949

Quote of the Day

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

Quote of the Day

We look at the ancient Greeks with their gods on a mountain top throwing lightning bolts and say, "Those ancient Greeks. They were so silly. So primitive and naive. Not like our religions. We have burning bushes talking to people and guys walking on water. We're ...sophisticated."
-- Paul Provenza

Quote of the Day

Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
-- James Joyce (Ulysses)

Quote of the Day

It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns

Quote of the Day

It's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.
-- Derek Smalls

Quote of the Day

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra

Quote of the Day

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it.
-- Richard P. Feynman

Quote of the Day

An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean. He knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with great restraint.

As he designs the first work, frill after frill and embellishment after embellishment occur to him. These get stored away to be used "next time." Sooner or later the first system is finished, and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated mastery of that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.

This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs. When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems, and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that are particular and not generalizable.

The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first one. The result, as Ovid says, is a "big p ile."
-- Frederick Brooks, (The Mythical Man Month)

Quote of the Day

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
-- Donald E. Knuth

Quote of the Day

One does not need to puzzle long over why religionists hate atheists so venomously. Atheist stir up the suppressed doubts of believers to the point of producing anguish. This is the anguish that incited believers to burn heretics and atheists at the stake in olden times to remove the source of the unsettling, disturbing doubts that plagued the believers.
-- C. W. Dalton (The Right Brain and Religion)

Quote of the Day

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider godfearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side.
-- Aristotle (384-322 BCE), "Politics"

Quote of the Day

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.
-- Arturo Toscanini

Quote of the Day

Is Kreme is really at its best when Krispy? Seems counterintuitive. And gross.
-- Bill Corbett (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
-- Rita Rudner

Quote of the Day

The enemy of society is middle class and the enemy of life is middle age.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

You've got a Methodist Coloring Book
And you color really well
But don't color outside the lines
Or God will send you to hell
-- Dead Milkmen, "Methodist Coloring Book"