Quote of the Day

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the time, which obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about.
-- Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Quote of the Day

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote of the Day

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown

Quote of the Day

The persistence of erroneous beliefs exacerbates the widespread anachronistic failure to recognize the urgent problems that face humanity on this planet.
-- Murray Gell-Mann

Quote of the Day

If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
-- Robert X. Cringeley

Quote of the Day

They have the Internet on computers, now?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
-- Steven Wright

Quote of the Day

You can live in your dreams, but only if you are worthy of them.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

Because you guys are my best friends. And I mean that. Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life. And if you ruin this, I will burn this office to the ground. And I mean that figuratively, not literally. Because you guys are so, so important to me. I love you guys, but don't cross me, but you're the best.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
-- Lenny Bruce

Quote of the Day

I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

At the present rate of progress, it is almost impossible to imagine any technical feat that cannot be achieved - if it can be achieved at all - within the next few hundred years.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
-- A.J. Perlis

Quote of the Day

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why: it is going to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out your mind. In general this drug will make you just like your mother and father.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied, so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

If only more Christians read their bibles there'd be less Christians.
-- Derek W. Clayton

Quote of the Day

Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
-- Anthony Burgess

Quote of the Day

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
-- Terry Pratchett (Eric)

Quote of the Day

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.
-- The Sphinx

Quote of the Day

Let's face it, comedy is a dead art form. Now tragedy, ha ha ha, that's funny!
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

It looks just like a Telefunken U-47!
-- Frank Zappa