Quote of the Day

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Quote of the Day

I'm a superhero, Mother. An effete British superhero.
-- Blue Raja

Quote of the Day

I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

I wanted to go to college, so I went to my dad and said, "Dad, can I have a hundred thousand dollars to go to college?" And he said, "Go ask your mother", so I went to her and said "Can I have a hundred thousand to go to college?" And she said, "Ask you father", so I went to him and said "Can I have a hundred thousand?" And he said "Ask your mother." And as I was going to my mother I tripped and hit my head on the coffee table, and my mother said "Fifteen-love, my serve again."
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today.
-- Isaac Asimov

Quote of the Day

You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.
-- The Sphinx

Quote of the Day

Booze makes you popular and heals all wounds!
-- Tom Servo

A vile troll...

A vile troll is vile.

Quote of the Day

I hope I didn't brain my damage.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Recently, I've been working with the Salvation Navy. Good outfit, but it's hard to get people to join. Not many people want to sit in a rowboat with a bass drum in their lap.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'
-- Richard Jeni

Quote of the Day

It's taken me all my life to learn what not to play.
-- Dizzy Gillespie

Quote of the Day

Every harlot was a virgin once.
-- William Blake

Quote of the Day

The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie" on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking lots.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.
-- Albert Camus

Quote of the Day

Mmmm...fuzzy.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!
-- Henry David Thoreau

Quote of the Day

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long home centers were springing up like crabgrass all over the United States.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Science is best defined as a careful, disciplined, logical search for knowledge about any and all aspects of the universe, obtained by examination of the best available evidence and always subject to correction and improvement upon discovery of better evidence. What's left is magic. And it doesn't work.
-- James Randi

Quote of the Day

Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

I do not suppose I shall be remembered for anything. But I don't think about my work in those terms. It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money.
-- Orson Welles

Quote of the Day

I love timbersports! They combine the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and the threat of amputation!
-- Stephen Colbert (via Twitter)

Quote of the Day

I don't know why, but first C programs tend to look a lot worse than first programs in any other language (maybe except for fortran, but then I suspect all fortran programs look like "firsts")
-- Olaf Kirch

Quote of the Day

Unix is hard to learn. The process of learning it is one of multiple small epiphanies. Typically you are just on the verge of inventing some necessary tool or utility when you realize that someone else has already invented it, and built it in, and this explains some odd file or directory or command that you have noticed but never really understood before.
-- Neal Stephenson

Quote of the Day

I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

A 7 day waiting period to buy a gun? That's stupid. Nobody can remain mad that long.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
-- Wavy Gravy

Quote of the Day

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
-- William Goldman

Quote of the Day

A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
-- James Joyce (Ulysses)

Quote of the Day

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
-- Immanuel Kant