Quote of the Day

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied, so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.
-- St. Augustine

Quote of the Day

Work was impossible. The geeks had broken my spirit. They had done too many things wrong. It was never like this for Mencken. He lived like a Prussian gambler -- sweating worse than Bryan on some nights and drunker than Judas on others. It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines.
-- Hunter Thompson, "Bad Nerves in Fat City" (Generation of Swine)

Quote of the Day

It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an airport' appear.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

A cult is a religion with no political power.
-- Tom Wolfe

Quote of the Day

Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler

Quote of the Day

An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.
-- Margaret Atwood

Quote of the Day

The forceps of our minds are clumsy forceps, and crush the truth a little in taking hold of it.
-- H.G. Wells

Quote of the Day

Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.
-- Sir Arthur Eddington

Quote of the Day

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
-- Steven Wright

Quote of the Day

He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-- Rudyard Kipling

Quote of the Day

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
-- Henny Youngman

Quote of the Day

I'm about to write you a reality check! Or would you prefer the cold, hard cash of truth?
-- The Tick

Quote of the Day

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac

Quote of the Day

In the year 415, the woman scientist Hypatia, head of the legendary Alexandria library, was beaten to death by Christian monks who considered her a pagan. The leader of the monks, Cyril, was canonized a saint
-- James A. Haught (Free Inquiry, Winter 1996/1997)

Quote of the Day

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Quote of the Day

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

"Creation science" has not entered the curriculum for a reason so simple and so basic that we often forget to mention it: because it is false, and because good teachers understand exactly why it is false. What could be more destructive of that most fragile yet most precious commodity in our entire intellectual heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing honorable teachers to sully their sacred trust by granting equal treatment to a doctrine not only known to be false, but calculated to undermine any general understanding of science as an enterprise?
-- Stephen Jay Gould

Quote of the Day

You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie...
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

I would recommend that skeptics devote even more effort than they do now to understanding the reasons why so many people want or need to believe.
-- Murray Gell-Mann

Quote of the Day

Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves possess.
-- Gandalf the Grey (J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings)

Quote of the Day

I believe the Republicans have never thought that democracy was anything but a tribal myth.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

Stealing?! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's-his-name?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

The universe is a strange and wondrous place. The truth is quite odd enough to need no help from pseudoscientific charlatans.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
-- Homer J. Simpson