Quote of the Day

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

You men, the next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergymans rate.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be the homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

I hate people who love me. And they hate me.
-- Bender Unit 22

Quote of the Day

I think it is not helpful to apply Darwinian language too widely. Conquest of nation by nation is too distant for Darwinian explanations to be helpful.
-- Richard Dawkins

Quote of the Day

Some people crave baseball -- I find this unfathomable -- but I can easily understand why a person could get excited about playing a bassoon.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

When I was a child, the other children in my neighborhood would taunt me, calling me "noodle-head" or "neo-Calvinist" So I would run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap tight and pull me back.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4

Quote of the Day

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.
-- Dave Thomas (Strange Brew)

Quote of the Day

I'm not impressed by what college your kid is going to. George Bush went to Yale. The End.
-- Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

We're talking about whether any independent contractors working on the uncompleted death star were innocent victims when the rebels destroyed it.
-- Dante Hicks

Quote of the Day

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

I don't want this parks department to build, any parks, because I don't believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
-- Marcus Aurelius

Quote of the Day

Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
-- Ian Faith

Quote of the Day

The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program documentation.
-- Frederick Brooks, (The Mythical Man-Month)

Quote of the Day

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson

Quote of the Day

I don't own a computer, or a modem, or anything like that; I still work on a manual typewriter, by choice, and to those who consider me a Luddite I say: Fuck you and yo mama. I operate at the level of technology that best suits my needs. And I type at 120 words per minute --two fingers --I make no mistakes, and my manuscripts are real. You can pick them up and hold them. My typewriter doesn't dump it's memory --I don't lose a book.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Quote of the Day

Well, I believe that those energies and processes exist. I just don't think that they've been adequately described or adequately named yet, because people are too willing to make it all into something that supports a religious theory of one flavor or another. If you start defining these things in nuts-and-bolts scientific terms, people reject it because it's not fun, y'know. It takes some of the romance out of being dead ... because of people's desires to have eternal life and to extend their influence from beyond the grave ... all that Houdini type stuff ... but basically, I think when you're dead ... you're dead. It comes with the territory.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

The key to building a superstar is to keep their mouth shut. To reveal an artist to the people can be to destroy him. It isn't to anyone's advantage to see the truth.
-- Bob Ezrin, rock music producer

Quote of the Day

You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.
-- Professor Frink

Quote of the Day

Bad facts make bad laws.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too.
-- W. Somerset Maugham

Quote of the Day

A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Usually, when you go to someone's house they offer you coffee. They say, "You want some coffee?" I tell them, "No thanks, I have coffee at home. But I could use a little pancake mix." I try to get things I need.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

You will find men like him in all of the world's religions. They know that we represent reason and science, and, however confident they may be in their beliefs, they fear that we will overthrow their gods. Not necessarily through any deliberate act, but in a subtler fashion. Science can destroy a religion by ignoring it as well as by disproving its tenets. No one ever demonstrated, so far as I am aware, the nonexistance of Zeus or Thor, but they have few followers now.
-- Arthur C. Clarke (Childhood's End)

Quote of the Day

Ah ha-ha, chess! The ancient contest of wits! Two opponenets: mano a mano. Braino a braino. And look! Magnets for ease of travel! You could play chess on the moon!
-- The Tick

Quote of the Day

To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
-- Jack Handey