Quote of the Day

We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
-- Albert Einstein

Quote of the Day

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost.
-- S. Kelly-Bootle (The Devil's DP Dictionary)

Quote of the Day

If we have learned one thing from the history of invention and discovery, it is that, in the long run - and often in the short one - the most daring prophecies seem laughably conservative.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan

Quote of the Day

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

You know what, I am gonna have that third steak after all.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my father.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science.
-- Henri Poincare

Quote of the Day

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying.
--Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

America tragically continues to fall behind the Chinese. It seems like no matter what we do, they stay 13 hours ahead.
-- Stephen Colbert

Quote of the Day

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider godfearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side.
-- Aristotle (384-322 BCE), "Politics"

Quote of the Day

I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had to get it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have much money, so I had to get an irregular. It doesn't have a five. I ran into a friend of mine on the street the other day. He said why don't you give me a call. I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone doesn't have a five. He asked how long had it been that way. I said I didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens.
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
-- Yogi Berra

Quote of the Day

It's all Christianity, people. The little, stupid differences are nothing next to the big, stupid similarities.
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

If the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all, to thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate of learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human ears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of modesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of civilization.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll, ("The Gods", 1872)

Quote of the Day

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Quote of the Day

Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time;
Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme.
There'll be no mutant enemy we shall certify;
Political ends, as sad remains, will die.
Reach out as forward tastes begin to enter you.
-- Yes

Quote of the Day

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
-- Erma Bombeck

Quote of the Day

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

I'd rather be rich than stupid.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.
-- Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Quote of the Day

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
-- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Quote of the Day

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
-- Philip K. Dick