Quote of the Day

You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
-- Squidward Tentacles

Quote of the Day

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra, which suddenly flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening (Love is Hell)

Quote of the Day

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

The trinitarian believes a virgin to be the mother of a son who is her maker.
-- Sir Francis Bacon

Quote of the Day

A plumbing system is very much like your electrical system, except that instead of electricity, it has water, and instead of wires, it has pipes, and instead of radios and waffle irons, it has faucets and toilets. So the truth is that your plumbing systems is nothing at all like your electrical system, which is good, because electricity can kill you.
-- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns

Quote of the Day

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever.
-- George Orwell

Quote of the Day

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.
-- Terry Pratchett (Men at Arms)

Quote of the Day

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling hes story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.
-- Jack Handey

Quote of the Day

The big thieves hang the little ones.
-- Czech Proverb

Quote of the Day

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
-- David Letterman

Quote of the Day

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion.... Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but not, as yet, quite intelligent enough.
-- Aldous Huxley

Quote of the Day

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
-- Eddie Izzard

Quote of the Day

Child labor laws are ruining this country.
-- Ron Swanson

Quote of the Day

Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
-- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Quote of the Day

I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
-- Bartholomew J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Quote of the Day

So once again, we find that evil of the past seeps into the present like salad dressing through cheap wax paper, mixing memory and desire.
-- The Tick

Quote of the Day

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

In the Schrute family, we believe in a five-fingered intervention. Awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

Perhaps it is a peculiarity of mine that despite the fact that I am a professional performer, it is true that I have always preferred playing without an audience.
-- Bill Evans

Quote of the Day

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of course, the same can be said of dirt.
-- Sandra Boynton

Quote of the Day

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
-- Terry Pratchett