Quote of the Day

I've pretty much given up on Michael doing the right thing, or the decent thing, or even the comprehensible thing.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
-- Quentin Crisp

Quote of the Day

It all happened at the beginning of that turbulent decade known as the eighties. Those were idealistic days: the candidacy of John Anderson, the rise of Supertramp. It was an exciting time to be young.
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
-- Emo Philips

Quote of the Day

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Quote of the Day

... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent observations and inferences by the thousands. The earth is billions of years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary descent. Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but do we brand people illiberal when they proclaim that the earth is neither flat nor at the center of the universe? Science *has* taught us some things with confidence! Evolution on an ancient earth is as well established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" -- into doubt.
-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.

Quote of the Day

The actual tragedies of life bear no relation to one's preconceived ideas. In the event, one is always bewildered by their simplicity, their grandeur of design, and by that element of the bizzare which seems inherent in them.
-- Jean Cocteau

Quote of the Day

"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God."

"I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be."
-- Joseph Heller (Catch-22)

Quote of the Day

Do not trust people. They are capable of greatness.
-- Stanislaw Lem

Quote of the Day

The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by people who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried anything.
-- Jim Joyce, former computer science lecturer at the University of California

Quote of the Day

When they say, "Gee, it's an information explosion!" --no, it's not an explosion, it's a disgorgement of the bowels is what it is. Every idiotic thing that anybody could possibly write or say or think can get into the body politic now --where before things would have to have some merit to go through the publishing routine, now, anything. And all you're getting is an explosion of useless crap, which added to the other useless crap that was being done originally, only makes it that much worse."
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

What have been [Christianity's] fruits? More or less in all places, pride and indolence in the Clergy, ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution.
-- James Madison

Quote of the Day

You men, the next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergymans rate.
-- George Carlin

Quote of the Day

I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!
-- Monty Python

Quote of the Day

You can't crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them.
-- Ursula K. Le Guin

Quote of the Day

What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be broken down into subjects and predicates. This is not because Quality is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
-- R. Pirsig (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance)

Quote of the Day

You read the Bible in your own special ways
you're fond of quoting certain things it says
Mouth full of righteousness and wrath from above
When do we hear about forgiveness and love?
-- Bruce Cockburn, "Gospel of Bondage"

Quote of the Day

The sermon was based on what he claimed was a well-known fact, that there were no Atheists in foxholes. I asked Jack what he thought of the sermon afterwards, and he said, "There's a Chaplain who never visited the front."
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Quote of the Day

Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so; It is not so. It is so; it is not so.
-- Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richard's Almanack, 1743)

Quote of the Day

Science Fiction writers, I am sorry to say, really do not know anything. We can't talk about science because our knowledge of it is limited and unofficial, and usually our fiction is dreadful.
-- Philip K. Dick

Quote of the Day

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.
-- Julius Caesar

Quote of the Day

1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
3/4 oz. tequilla
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. orange juice
3/4 oz. sour mix
1/2 oz. cola
shake with ice and strain into frosted glass.
-- Long Island Iced Tea

Quote of the Day

The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has the medieval aroma -- like the days when everything used to sound like that.
-- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

Normally, I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

In West Virginia I never stop for gas, because I'm afraid I'll be caught and made someone's mountain wife. And then I'll probably grow to like the guy and end up with ten scrawny, filthy kids named Shane who always ask, "Momma, how come you don't talk like us?"
-- Kathleen Madigan

Quote of the Day

What's another word for thesaurus?
-- Stephen Wright

Quote of the Day

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde (The Portrait of Mr. W.H.)

Quote of the Day

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power is derived by a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
-- Monty Python

Quote of the Day

I was in the basement, playing my favorite game, 'Murder In The Dark.'
-- Vyvyan Basterd

Quote of the Day

If only he had joined a mainstream religion, like Oprahism or Voodoo.
-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth