Quote of the Day

Here's my card. It's got my cell number, my pager number, my home number and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick. And I don't celebrate any major holidays.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
-- Al Franken

Quote of the Day

So, a graduate student, huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but you can't make my shoes smell good?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

All right, who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III

Quote of the Day

They have the Internet on computers, now?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying.
--Bertrand Russell

Quote of the Day

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
-- Henry David Thoreau

Quote of the Day

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
-- Red Forman

Quote of the Day

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
-- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
-- Captain Zapp Brannigan

Quote of the Day

True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting number than 0.
-- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>

Quote of the Day

America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.
-- Mort Sahl

Quote of the Day

Colonel Klink, why have you forsaken me?
-- Homer J. Simpson

Quote of the Day

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
-- Terry Pratchett

Quote of the Day

I don't own a computer, or a modem, or anything like that; I still work on a manual typewriter, by choice, and to those who consider me a Luddite I say: Fuck you and yo mama. I operate at the level of technology that best suits my needs. And I type at 120 words per minute --two fingers --I make no mistakes, and my manuscripts are real. You can pick them up and hold them. My typewriter doesn't dump it's memory --I don't lose a book.
-- Harlan Ellison

Quote of the Day

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Quote of the Day

As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name.
-- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie

Quote of the Day

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Quote of the Day

Never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun.
-- Nelson Muntz

Quote of the Day

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
-- Randal Graves

Quote of the Day

Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.
-- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
-- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Talent is cheap, and many talents treat themselves cheaply.
-- Bill Evans

Quote of the Day

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
-- Rudyard Kipling

Quote of the Day

You know what, I am gonna have that third steak after all.
-- Ron Swanson