Saturday, February 18, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Quote of the Day
Everywhere you go you'll see them searching,
Everywhere you turn you'll feel the pain,
Everyone is looking for the answer,
Well look again.
-- Moody Blues, "Lost in a Lost World"
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Quote of the Day
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
-- Jack Handey
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Quote of the Day
Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverance can you have for a Supreme being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was going through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the ability to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain....
Who created the dangers? Oh, He was really being charitable to us when He gave us pain! Why couldn't He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of His celestial choirs? Or a system of red and blue neon tubes right in the middle of each person's forehead?....
They certainly look beautiful now, w rithing in agony or stupified with morphine, don't they? What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. It's obvious He never met a payroll. Why,no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!
-- Yossarian (Catch-22, Joseph Heller)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Quote of the Day
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
-- Johnny Carson
Monday, February 13, 2012
Quote of the Day
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
-- Jack Handey
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Quote of the Day
He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now.
-- Stephen Wright
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Quote of the Day
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
Friday, February 10, 2012
Quote of the Day
All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
-- Homer J. Simpson